Your Sunday Show Caged Heat We Mean Kids Roundup

Hello Wonks! We're back with a Very Special Holiday Edition of the Sunday Recap after a bit of a hiatus (rebellious mice were sprucing up the ole' WONKETTE). So let's jump right back into the saga of Trump collecting kids like Cruella De Vil collects Dalmatians, using the same equipment and all!

On April 2018, Attorney General and alternate-reality Keebler Elf Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III sent out a memorandum turning ALL immigration from a civil matter to a criminal matter. This was done in an effort to "discourage" or be a "deterrent" to immigration. Here is the memorandum:

Because it became a criminal matter, when families are stopped on the border they are detained. Any children are then taken into custody until the issue has been adjudicated, even in cases of people seeking asylum as allowed by law. THIS IS A TRUMP ADMINISTRATION policy change, NOT the law and certainly NOT "the Democrats' law." So we begin with Republican Senator and Endora from Bewitched, Susan Collins of Maine, on FACE THE NATION. Speaking with Margaret Brennan, she had this to say when asked if she would be joining the Senator Feinstein bill to stop this forced family separation from the Trump administration:

COLLINS: Well, first of all, let me say that I know Senator Feinstein keeps -- cares deeply about these children. She's a very compassionate person. But her legislation is not the answer. It's far too broad. It would essentially prevent arrests within 100 miles of the border, even if the person has committed a serious crime or is suspected of terrorist activity.

So that is not the answer. What I have done is worked with a bipartisan group of senators. And, in February, we presented a bill that would have taken initial steps to fully fund the president's border security initiative, including his wall, technology, more personnel, and provided a pathway to citizenship for the dreamer population, those young people who are brought to America through no decision of their own.

It garnered 54 votes on the Senate floor. Regrettably, the night before, the Department of Homeland Security issued an inflammatory press release that torpedoed the bill. I think we should try again. We should not give up. It is important that we enact immigration reform.

So instead of joining the bill that is right now on the table that only requires ONE republican vote, Collins would rather try the bill that failed already because it was torpedoed by the Trump Administration?! This administration does not want to pass immigration reform. Just like they used DACA before, this administration creates situations where they hold the most vulnerable hostages as leverage or negotiation pawns. The road to hell is paved with the unfulfilled intentions of Flake, Corker, Graham, Rubio and Collins. Do something to help or please just shut the fuck up with your "thoughts and prayers."

Next we have White Correspondence Dinner comedy critic and Chair of the American Conservative Union, Matt Schlapp. On THIS WEEK with George Snuffleupagus Jonathan Karl, Schlapp tried to give credit for the horrendous policy to its "creator":

SCHLAPP: Yes, but this is Obama's policy.
KARL: Zero tolerance.
SCHLAPP: This is also Obama's policy.
KAREN FINNEY: That's not true.
SCHLAPP: It absolutely is true.

Schlapp tries to conflate the policy for unaccompanied minors instead of defending the Trump policy of separating accompanied children from their parents. For a guy who spent the last eight years touting how ineffective President Obama was, he sure likes to give him credit for his president's cruelty. Here is an easy way to know that didn't happen under President Obama: Google video of Democrats and Republicans protesting this cruelty. Because you know if Obama had been this heartless, there would have been wall-to-wall coverage of that on Fox News. Also a special fuck off to Greta Van Susteren on this segment. The nerve of her to now play the "both sides" card on why this is happening is astounding and she almost beat Schlapp for his slot in stupidity.

Next is Kellyanne Conway, Counselor to Trump and failed comedian on MEET THE PRESS. Speaking of this horrible policy, Conway had this to say:

CONWAY: Well I certainly don't want anybody to use these kids as leverage...

Or this wonderful "empathetic" quote:

CONWAY: As a mother, as a Catholic, as somebody who has got a conscience, and wouldn't say the junk that somebody said, apparently, allegedly. I will tell you that nobody likes this policy.

Yeah, ok, Conway. Based on your actions since 2016, going to add (citation needed) at the end of this statement on your permanent record. There is zero evidence of 2/3 of that statement. In fact, it was easy to see what genuine outrage is from Conway when she said this about how the press got the leak of the White House:

CHUCK TODD: In fairness, by the way, it was a White House official that told the Washington Post.
CONWAY: Yeah I'd like to know who that is by the way --
TODD: The thinking in the building is to force people to the table.
CONWAY: By the way, by the way I want that person to say it to my face. I really do. I'll meet them at the White House today because I think that's a disgrace. I want them to come forward

Conway was all monotone talking points until Chuck Todd brought up the White House leak. Then Conway suddenly turned from Counselor to "cash me outside."

(Dishonorable Mention to Steve Bannon, who said a lot of stupid, evil stuff. But frankly, he doesn't deserve more than this blurb)

And with that we conclude this 1st Annual (hope not) Missing Parents Day. Remember to continue fighting for what's right. Don't let them get away with this. We ARE better than this, We ARE NOT afraid of them. They are cowards and we will win in the end. So until net week, remember...


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Michael Mora

Your friendly neighborhood Puerto Rican Political Freelance Writer for @wonkette. Pop Culture observer, Amateur Movie reviewer & Comics fan. Former Active Duty Marine. All opinions are mine only.


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