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Super Committee Flops, Stocks Drop, Newt Glops

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NEW YORK — In a surprise to no one who has any sort of functioning memory of Washington over the last decade (i.e. not the Beltway press),the supercommittee has failed. Gird yourselves now for the coming year of annoying politicians repeating annoying terms like "trigger" and "sequester. Hilariously, Wall Street plunged a couple of percentage points on the news yesterday, demonstrating once again that the people running Wall Street are exceptionally incapable goofballs who hadn't yet accounted for the inevitable failure that 70% of the 99% were betting on.


A very special thing will happen tonight in Washington, D.C.: There will be a Republican debate on national security in which not one of the Republican candidates will be the most insufferable person on stage. (Relevant data point: the debate is being moderated by Wolf Blitzer.)

Newt Gingrich is ringing in his new frontrunner status by saying a couple of especially stupid things. First, Newt's proposing a privatization of social security that voters already roundly rejected, like, just a few years ago. [READ MORE AT GIFZETTE]

What is this? Why, it's the Gifzette Daily Briefing, brought to you by America's favorite New York daily animated-gif-based newspaper, Gifzette.

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Did you know the Russia investigation is still a thing? America sort of took a break from it (Robert Mueller didn't), so we could focus on being horrified that Donald Trump has been ripping babies out of mommies' arms with such glee you'd think the babies were Big Macs. But here are a couple stories you might have missed in the past couple of days, and they both involve Devin Nunes obstructing justice, because that's the only thing he's good at. (OK, fine, we may have heard a rumor that he is also good at fucking cows, but that is just a rumor, so you guys need to stop being such Gossiping Gwendolyns!)

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This weekend, Sarah Huckabee Sanders was politely asked to leave a restaurant in Virginia. Before that, Department of Homeland Security chief Kirstjen Nielsen -- fresh off of denying then excusing putting Mexican children in cages -- was shamed out of a Mexican restaurant. And Pam Bondi, the Florida AG, got her ass booed out of a screening of the Mr. Rogers documentary by a good citizen. Watch it, it was great!

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