Surprise! America's First Black President Is A Dead Republican
The vast majority of Americans have long forgotten Warren G. Harding, our 29th president. This is a damn shame, as he was clearly one of the greatest chief executives this nation has ever seen. He won election in 1920 by the largest popular vote margin in history, despite basing his campaign on the totally made-up word "normalcy." He then proceeded keep two mistresses in the White House and allow his cabinet members to personally profit from selling off mineral rights to national parks; before the scandals could really catch up with him, he did the honorable thing and dropped dead of a heart attack. But did you know that he was also black? Maybe?
Seems that around their hometown of Blooming Grove, Ohio, the Hardings were considered poor white trash of dubious racial background, and when young Warren proposed marriage to his future much-suffering wife, her father was outraged, believing him to have African blood. Later, William Estabrook Chancellor, a Wooster professor and racial purity obsessive, hounded Harding throughout his political career with a series of pamphlets and publications claiming that Harding's great-grandmother was black. Even Harding was ambivalent, once saying to a friend, "How do I know, Jim? One of my ancestors may have jumped the fence."
Of course, even if Harding weren't black, Barack Obama still could never be a real black president, since he's half-white, half-East African and has no slave ancestry. No, Warren G. Harding, one-eighth descended from African slaves brought to the U.S., who just about everyone treated as a white guy his whole life, is clearly a standard-bearer for African-Americans everywhere.