Susan Collins, Please Get A F*cking Grip

Bless her heart, Susan Collins, a United States senator, is facing consequences from constituents over a vote. We know! When we heard, our first reaction was don't her constituents know they are not the boss of her? That she anguishes and loses sleep over each and every single vote she takes, and if you don't like her voting to give Donald Trump dictator-like powers and signing off on his attempts to extort foreign countries to help him steal elections, and if you tell her that in language that is uncouth, then YOU are the real problem here? There are some people who say Collins might not even get re-elected to her Senate seat! (Here's a way to help out with that!) How is this even democracy, if Susan Collins has to be accountable for her votes and might not even get re-elected to her Senate seat on a silver platter?

After Collins decided to be one of the 52 Republican senators to endorse Trump's abuse of power and one of the 53 to endorse his obstruction of Congress, she scampered off to Fox News to explain her upsets. The important part of the interview with Martha MacCallum starts about six minutes in:

MacCallum played two voicemails people have left for Collins at her office, and surprise, they had cusses in them. Susan Collins does not like cusses.

Like this gentlemen, who also said he hopes Susan Collins didn't breed, which is factcheck #unkind:

And this lady, who said the B-word, and also probably committed treason when she said Collins was going to lose in November:

How rude!

Here's Collins on Fox News:

COLLINS: This is a continuation of the kind of abuse and harassment that has occurred for my staff, my family and me since my vote for Justice Kavanaugh.

While we do not endorse people harassing Susan Collins or her family, we would note that unless the mean voicemailers are leaving these voicemails for her family, this is probably bullshit.

Also huh, wonder why this all started when Collins chose to confirm Justice RapeVan to the Supreme Court, IT IS A MYSTERY OF THE UNEXPLAINED.

COLLINS: I think it's a sad commentary that we can't have differences of opinion without resorting to profanity to death threats to vile language.

Profanity AND death treats AND vile language? Pardon us, but we feel like one of those things is different from the other two, Senator. Now, if Susan Collins is actually getting death threats, that is wrong and needs to stop. Wonkette endorses cussing, of course, and also profanity, and even vile language occasionally, when we are in the fucking mood.

Senator Collins, get a grip. You are elected by the people of your state -- which is a pretty big-D Democratic state, one that quite frankly you've had the privilege of representing long past your welcome! -- and you are thus accountable to them. If you don't like being called to account, even with cusses AND swears, if you cannot handle that, then maybe you should get a different job, like as the president of the No Cussing Club.

And again, if there are actual death threats, obviously do whatever you need to do to stay safe, because nobody should be doing that.

But back to our point, this is just Susan Collins pulling the stunt she always pulls, engaging her constituents and the media in a little game where she tells them she's just seriously weighing all the options and studying the issue from all sides, hasn't slept a wink, only to once again shock the nation by choosing to cast her lot to protect Donald Trump's evil.

She speaks out and tells us how pained she is about this and that, just as she did in this interview with MacCallum, saying well boy howdy doncha know, Trump's Ukraine call really was just dreadful, but it's not like she can vote to hold Trump accountable, because what's that thing she hates for people to say? Oh yes! Because Susan Collins speaks a lot, yet never acts. She pulled the same shit when she ultimately voted to confirm a credibly accused sexual predator to the Supreme Court, one who JUST SO HAPPENS to pretty obviously have every intention of trying to overturn Roe v. Wade, even though Collins obviously thinks it would be awful, just terrible if that happened, shame no one could have prevented it.

Later in the interview, Collins walked back her earlier idiot suggestion that maybe Donald Trump has learned his lesson from getting impeached and will totally be a good boy in the future, presumably because she realized her earlier suggestion was idiot.

Also Martha MacCallum told Collins, "Mitt Romney sounded like he made a more moral decision than you did" on Trump's impeachment, and she didn't mean that the way it sounds, but we laughed anyway because of how somebody accidentally told the truth on Fox News, the end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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