The Top 10 Reasons Why No Horse Bicycling For Ladies! Tabs, Fri., May 20, 2022
Tabs gif from your friend Martini Glambassador!

AOC confirmed yesterday in a tweet that she and her longtime partner Riley Roberts are officially engaged, which is super nice for both of them!

The couple actually got engaged during a trip to Puerto Rico last month, though she says they haven't set a date yet, explaining "we're taking some space to savor this time before diving into planning." That's nice for them! Probably some people are mad about it for some reason, because the woman can't bat an eye without 12,000 people losing their minds over how her choice in eyeshadow spells doom for the future of America, but we wish them well! (Business Insider)

In more #romance news, PharmaBro Martin Shkreli is out of prison and back on Bumble, so if you've always wanted to fall in love with a sociopath, now's your chance. Though you may have some competition. Remember Shkreli's ex Christie Smythe, the former Bloomberg journalist who divorced her husband, quit her job and froze her eggs for him and then got dumped through his lawyers after Elle did a profile on her and their great love affair? Well, she says she still has feelings for him and hopes to see him and give him a great big hug.

Is there a word for that? I know the people who send love letters to serial killers are hybristophiliacs, but you just don't hear a lot about securities fraud groupies. (NY Post)

Gucci, in collaboration with Adidas, is selling an umbrella its website describes as "not waterproof." For $1290. And it's not even cute.

All of the reports on the pricey parasol are about how people in China are outraged about it, but they sell it in the US, too. I guess we sell so much stupid expensive stuff that no one cares that much at this point.

I have no issue with spending some money on a smaller amount of quality goods that will last forever, as opposed to buying a bunch of cheap stuff that will fall apart and end up in a landfill— especially as it concerns shoes, because bad shoes can cause actual health problems. But if you spend $1300 on a freaking umbrella that does not work, you are a sucker and I don't know how to help you. That being said, I love the these for me and am a size 39 in European footwear if you happen to be a wacky rich person with a fetish for buying fancy shoes for ladies who work in digital media and will never speak to you. That could be a thing! You don't know! (BBC)

Speaking of fashion victims, Kellyanne Conway is coming out with a book — a book in which she accuses her husband, Never Trumper George Conway, of violating their marriage vows by disparaging Donald Trump — and even accused him of "cheating by tweeting," which is not a thing.

George was spending chunks of time in New York at the firm, where he voluntarily went from partner to an of-counsel role, spending his nights alone at our house in Alpine, New Jersey, 240 miles away from D.C. The numbers don’t lie. During this time, the frequency and ferocity of his tweets accelerated. Clearly he was cheating by tweeting. I was having a hard time competing with his new fling.

Ew. (Mediaite)

Speaking of gross things we don't want to think about, Matt Schlapp, the head of CPAC, touted the end of Roe as a victory for those concerned about the Great Replacement, who were probably already happy about the end of Roe anyway.

“Roe v. Wade is being adjudicated at the Supreme Court right now, for people that believe that we somehow need to replace populations or bring in new workers, I think it is an appropriate first step to give the…enshrinement in law the right to life for our own unborn children,” he said.

Well! At least losing our reproductive rights will be a major boon for racists. Surely that will be a comfort to us all and oh my God what the actual fuck is wrong with this man? (VICE)

I don't have a good segway into this next one, and it's not even recent — but in case you didn't know that there were still people out there claiming that the sun revolves around the earth and cursing the name of Galileo ... there absolutely are. (Revive Truth dot com)

Oklahoma has passed the most extreme abortion ban yet, banning abortions from the moment of fertilization onward. Ugh. (USA Today)

Nice time! Sort of! Judy Blume, Lois Lowry and 1300 other children's writers sent a letter to congress decrying the recent book banning craze on the Right. (Diverse Books)

Senate Republicans successfully killed a $48 billion bill to help restaurants and other small businesses hit hard by the pandemic. (Politico)

In a post on Instagram, a broken and defeated Madison Cawthorn vowed revenge upon those who wronged him, promising the wrath of Dark MAGA will ruin them ... or whatever.

He wrote:

When the establishment turned their guns on me, when the Uni-party coalesced to defeat an America First member very few people had my back. This list includes the lion share of figures that came to my defense when it was not politically profitable. These are honorable men and women who are the type of friends anyone yearns to have. “At the beginning of a change the patriot is a rare and hated man.” These are those rare and hated men/women. There are other National figures who I believe are patriots, but I am on a mission now to expose those who say and promise one thing yet legislate and work towards another, self-profiteering, globalist goal. The time for genteel politics as usual has come to an end. It’s time for the rise of the new right, it’s time for Dark MAGA to truly take command. We have an enemy to defeat, but we will never be able to defeat them until we defeat the cowardly and weak members of our own party. Their days are numbered. We are coming.

Are you though? (Instagram)

Finally, some terrible dude on Twitter calling himself "Alpha Masculinity" wrote a giant thread about how ladies shouldn't ride horses or bikes because they could have an orgasm while doing so and that would make them "filthy."

He writes "Most equestrians just engage in "soft" beastiality by using the horse as a masturbation tool." and also "My belief is that women should stay as pure, innocent, clean, and modest as possible with regards to their bodies. They must protect and not spoil it in any way for their future/current husband. Sexual arousal & stimulation not for or from her husband makes a woman filthy." as well as many other stupid things and very notably does not include a picture of himself on his account. We are certain he is a real catch. (Twitter)

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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