Never Touch This When Staying In A Hotel Room! Tabs, Fri., Sept. 18, 2020

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Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

Wouldn't It Be Nice to Get Knocked Out Cold With a Shovel for Exactly Six Weeks and Five Days? Oh, Slate, IT WOULD!

Nevada Gov. Steve Sisolak PIIIISSSED about Trump's Nevada bigot and bugchaser conventions. (Nevada Independent)

But how do Republican senators feel about them? GRRRR-EAT!

"No," Georgia Sen. Kelly Loeffler said when asked if it's a concern the President lied about the virus. "It's fake news."

"You guys are awful," added Arizona Sen. Martha McSally when asked if Trump made a mistake when he misled the public.

CNN

'Empty Trucks, Falsified Records.' And that's how Louis DeJoy makes the post office "efficient." (LA Times)

Judge blocks DeJoy's "efficient" changes. — Constitutional Accountability Center / Washington Post

Speaking of which, you guys ever see the Incredible Journey one Wonkette Bazaar T-shirt took from Polson, Montana, to Eugene, Oregon? Where it got to Eugene before taking a trip to Los Angeles and then back?




This guy watched Trump's favorite "news" "network," OANN, for 16 hours and lived to tell the tale! (HuffPost)

How does Bob Woodward do it? Hard pass, Politico.

Laura Miller on the horror show hagiography of James Comey, "The Comey Rule." What's harder than a hard pass? (Slate)

You can't scare gravediggers, they're sticking to the union. I mean, you probably can't scare them anyway. (Vice)

Who took care of the entire city during Philadelphia's 1793 Yellow Fever epidemic? Free Black people, of course. — History

Fartknocker's Chili

1) Grill some hatch chiles for about 10 minutes and place them in a ziplock bag. Charring the peppers is perfectly acceptable and God wants you to do it.

2) Place the chiles in a refrigerator or any place cold.

3) After the chiles are chilled take them out of the cold place. Remove the outer membrane and don't touch your intimate body parts until you dispose of the membrane and wash your hands. Place cleaned chiles into a ziplock bag and refrigerate or freeze them for future consumption.

4) In a bowl add one 8 ounce can of tomato paste and 2 packets of taco seasoning.

5) Add one cup of hot water and mix the tomato paste and taco seasoning. It will have the consistency of a slurry, semi-solid.

6) Dice the hatch chiles (I use 3-4 chilis because I like the heat - if you're not a fan of spicy, 1 or 2 peppers will be enough).

7) Place the chicken in a crockpot. I like using chickens dissected into quarters but chicken breasts are allowed. Layer the diced chiles on the chicken. Equally, distribute the slurry on the chicken with the chiles.

8) Set the crockpot on low and set the timer for 6 hours. If you don't have a crockpot, a roasting pan in an oven or Dutch Oven pot (yeah, I have one of these thanks to my Mom, who is awesome) also works perfectly.

9) Consider day drinking but if you're not in the mood for this or hungover, take a nap. If you have marijuana, that also probably will work (I can't smoke because of my job and random annual drug tests).

10) Being an independent internet icon such as yourself, have Shy Pixels prepare some rice, beans or whatever makes you happy (I love summer squash spaghetti) after 6 hours and he can debone the chicken. OR, me, I take the yummy chicken, place it in my refrigerator and let it cool until the next day because I am not a fan of being burned by food (it's a fire service thing).

10.1) Plate the chicken and accessory carbohydrates.

11) Use the chicken fat as a yummy sauce because Jesus wants you to and that chicken gave its life to provide nourishment to you, Shy, your beautiful children, and your wonderful Father.

I'm listening to the band "Delta Spirit" on my Alexa machine. Try the song titled "Trashcan."

Delta Spirit - "Trash Can" www.youtube.com

I've estimated this meal (with electric energy) costs about $7. I suggest taking the same amount of money and sending it to Joe Biden or MJ Hagar. MJ probably won't win but I don't give a damn because I like underdogs, she's a vet and is making John Cornholio's life sucky. I hope I am proven wrong, but it's Texas. I wish Beto would get off of his ass and help her.

I hope your family and you enjoy this recipe. It's a simple but pleasant meal.

Marsha Ball, one of my favorite musicians, summarizes life with one phrase: Peace, love and barbeque. Yeah, it's an awesome song.

— Fartknocker

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.


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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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