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37 Embarrassing But Necessary Items That Are Available On Amazon. Tabs, Mon., March 16, 2020

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How are you holding up, my loves? Do you need wines delivered? If you need wines delivered, and you join this very wonderful wine club, I will get (more) free wine.

While we're on the subject of getting things delivered, if you happen to be shopping on Amazon, this is the link that gives Wonkette a cut. Thank you. We love you. Let's get tabbed!


Republicans are trying to get people killed. — Daily Kos

Lick a floor for Donald Trump. (Washington Post)

Listen here, Wonka Germany. My daughter wants an Oompa Loompa vaccine and she wants it now! (Guardian)

I was sad because I had no hand sanitizer but then I met a man who had no hands morals, ethics, or human decency. And then he was sad because BUSTED. (New York Times)

Fuck YOU and YOU and YOU you're cool fuck YOU. Trump Administration Is Relaxing Oversight of Nursing Homes. A proposal would loosen federal rules meant to control infections, just as the coronavirus rips through nursing homes. (NYT)

Democrats' paid leave emergency bill now covers ... 20 percent of workers. Nancy, we get you needed Trump's agreement to not veto it, but this is ridiculous. (NYT)

Neat, Sean Hannity's newest coronavirus "expert" is the Liz Warren opponent who "invented" "email" (did not invent email, will sue you for saying so). (Crooks & Liars)

OK.

Fauci says: HUNKER DOWN NOW! (Slate)

Oh what's this, CNBC, the Fed just cut the rate to zero. Evan or Liz will splainer it for you because I sure as hell can't.

Well, this is quite an ad.

Well thank God we got home from Mexico a day before this Trump-made airport clusterfuck. (Daily Beast)

Genesis P-orridge of Throbbing Gristle and COUM has died at 70. (LA Times) S/he was lovely (and I misgendered throughout the whole piece, but to be fair it was 17 years ago and we had no idea what we were doing).

Got some time on your hands? Make beautiful garden soil with cardboard. SHYYYYY! (LA Times)

Plants to add to your garden if you love bees and butterflies (and are native to SoCal) — LAT

5 Tasty Meals to Make From Your Pantry (Salon)

Bernie and Joe: good citizens.

Bernie Sanders/Joe Biden debate updates from CNN here. Bernie is very reasonable: quiet and even-toned and sober. I like Serious Bernie. Meanwhile, Joe is more crotchety; on the Irascibility Chart, he's Normal Bernie, maybe Normal Bernie Plus One.

You guys okay? Anyone need anything? Primal scream? Can't believe these fucking assholes? Us too darlings. Hang in there, we're here, we're just six feet away.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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