Hilarious Headstones That Will Make You Chuckle! Tabs, Thurs., March 11, 2021

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Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

Dare you to try to figure out what Peter Doocy's talking about. Does he think Biden shut down all the schools? Does he think Biden can tell them to open or shut, either way? Does he WANT to take away the schools' "local control"? Is he mad that they're open, or mad that they're closed? You don't know, and neither does he.

The women who run Biden's legislative outreach are apparently full of leprechaun magic and rainbows. (But could massage the progressives better.) (Daily Beast)

Red states do well under the Big Bill, because they're poor and Joe Biden and congressional Dems aren't petty dicks. — Reuters

Eric Boehlert would like to take this opportunity to read the media covering for the Republican obstruction of the coronavirus relief bill FOR FILTH. (PressRun)

Oh Mississippi Republican Senator Roger Wicker, you scamp.


Extreme Nikki Finke voice: CALLED IT.

Meanwhile, on the day that every House Republican voted against helping out people making up to $80,000 a year with a $1400 check and some child care money, Senate Republicans moved again to repeal the estate tax. Priorities, people! (Some rightwing claptrap from some supposed farmers organization)

Know who's seriously never hit by the estate tax? Farmers. (CNN in 2017)

Gavin Newsom had a state of the state address. It seems nice! I hope they don't recall him, I remember the last one, when California Republicans teamed up with Enron to mug the state then recalled Gray Davis for getting mugged. — Politico

Hawaii is in trouble.

So is New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, whose (anonymous) aide says he groped all up in her breasts, like not "oh he touched my waist," like actual in the shirt sex assaults. (Times Union)

CNN and Washington Post are jumping on Fox's LOOK OVER THERE of WHAT IS JOE BIDEN'S NO PRESS CONFERENCES HIDING. Crooks and Liars begs to differ.

Jonah Peretti of Buzzfeed bought HuffPost. Jonah Peretti of Buzzfeed laid off dozens of journalists at HuffPost. — Defector

Thanks, I hate it: You can pay money to "control" the Youtubefluencers by voting on whether the Youtubefluencers play catch or dodgeball (I don't know, it's fucking dumb) but also all the Youtubefluencers are creating their own internal block chain currencies and economies. Whatever it means, it's terrible. — New York Times

Beth Moore — not a pastor, because lady, but rather a person who holds "Bible study" for many thousands of people at a time — is leaving the Southern Baptists for loving big ol' sexual assaulter Donald Trump. It's a big evangelical deal. (Religion News)

Cops were looking for a dangerous guy, who was hiding out in an unrelated person's home. (She had seen the news reports that he'd kidnapped a teenage girl, and when he knocked on the door, she let him in, left, and called the cops. The man let the girl go but wouldn't come out.) And then ...

Prior to the SWAT showdown, [homeowner Vicki] Baker's daughter, Deanna Cook, gave officers a key to the home, as well as a garage door opener and the back gate code. Agents took a different route. They smashed six windows. Instead of using the code, they maneuvered a BearCat armored vehicle through her fencing. Instead of using the clicker, they detonated explosives to blow off the garage entryway. And instead of using the key, they drove right on through her front door.

Well that sounds like a very fun, exciting day for the SWAT explosives squad! Of course, insurance wouldn't cover it because the government did it, and the town of McKinney, Texas, told Baker, who has breast cancer by the way and is trying to retire with her husband to Montana, to fuck right off. — Reason / lawsuit

Blast from the past! When a federal court told homeowners to fuck off, and the Supreme Court declined to hear the case, after their half-million-dollar home was actually destroyed by police chasing ... a shoplifter. The appeals court said the Constitution's takings clause doesn't apply to policework, something something Lou. (Reason)

Is seven meetings with the Manhattan DA a lot? Because that's how many Trump fixer Michael Cohen has been having. — Reuters

New Trump Georgia ballot RICO phone call recording, what fun the law will have! (WSBTV)

Funky airstreams and tiny cabins: Where to go glamping this spring! That's almost now! (Thrillist)

Hmmm, most of those were chains AND super expensive, I have disappointed me. Let's look at the world's 25 most beautiful gardens instead! — Veranda

Well as beautiful as those gardens surely are, the art selection sure didn't show it! DAMMIT TABS. Okay, Elle Decor it is. A 300 year old farmhouse home you say? FUCK YEH ELLE DECOR.

Good thing I live there now, in my Italian countryside farmhouse, where in one of the three (indoor) kitchens I make this polenta and rosemary and figs and mascarpone pound cake. (Food and Wine)

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