Tabs gif from your BFF Martini Ambassador!

Retired Army Lt. Gen. Russel Honoré, who's head of a post-insurrection review of Capitol security, has called for background checks of all congressional staff. That likely means House Reps. Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene will have to work from home. (CNN)

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell warns CEOs to “stay out of politics" or they'll be “consequences." The GOP is really embracing its not-so-inner gangster. Apparently, unlimited campaign contributions to Republicans is protected speech but actual political speech is communism. (St. Louis Dispatch)

Arkansas Republican Governor Asa Hutchinson vetoed legislation banning gender-affirmation care for transgender youth. Hutchinson described the legislation as “vast government overreach," and he's right! What do you know. (Washington Post)

"60 Minutes" reported Sunday that the Publix supermarket chain received a COVID-19 vaccine distribution deal shortly after donating to Florida Governor Ron DeSantis' political action committee. C'mon, Florida, are you really gonna re-elect this guy? (Yes, yes, they will.) (Tampa Bay Times)

The usual gang of idiots are upset that Dr. Jill Biden wore fishnet tights in public (on April Fool's Day). (The Daily Beast)


New York lawmakers and Governor Andrew Cuomo are close to a deal that would raise taxes on New Yorkers who earn more than $1 million a year. This is expected after COVID-19 battered the state's economy, but it won't stop Republicans from somehow blaming Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. (New York Times)

Former House Rep. Katie Hill is shocked and disappointed that Rep. Matt Gaetz is a scumbag. (Vanity Fair)

Michael Osterholm, director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota, regrets to inform us that the US is likely entering its fourth COVID-19 surge. If the surges are like Star Wars movies, that means this one is the Phantom Menace. Gold help us. (Slate)

Rich assholes in Paris enjoy champagne and lobster while unmasked inside “clandestine restaurants" where they can pretend COVID-19 doesn't exist. (AP)

Amazon announced that it plans to have most of its employees back in the office by the fall. That should benefit the many restaurants and businesses located around the Tech behemoth's South Lake Union “campus" in Seattle. (Eater)

How 29-year-old Black Portlander Cameron Whitten founded the Black Resilience Fund. (NPR)

Almost 200 deaths have been linked to the Texas blackouts in February. That's almost double the original count. (Houston Chronicle)

GOP congressional candidate Sery Kim said she doesn't want Chinese immigrants in America. The Texas Tribune described this comment as racist on account of how racist it is, so now Kim is suing. Conservatives troll better than they govern. (Texas Tribune)

There is currently a ketchup packet shortage. Even during my New York City bachelor dies, I kept a large bottle of ketchup in the fridge with the mixings of a martini. Always be prepared is my motto. (Wall Street Journal)

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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