Popular Canned Meats Ranked From Worst To Best! Tabs, Wed., May 4, 2022

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Popular Canned Meats Ranked From Worst To Best! Tabs, Wed., May 4, 2022

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Ambassador!

Yestertoday has been a rough one. Let's see what we're reading today.

Open a tab to cheer you up:

This. This was always the plan.

My siblings and I were parading around those church stages, models of Christian values and ethics, along with so many other families. And we smiled and waved and dreamed of those ghost babies. But we also grew up. One woman I knew as a child called me last year to tell me about her abortion, which she had after her birth control failed. Having a baby could kill her. She’d been in an accident as a girl and the injuries she sustained meant that giving birth might well end her life.

Lyz Lenz substack

Abortion is more important than the leak. (Jared Holt substack)

Deep breath:

This is for the abortionists who go to work in bulletproof vests in picketed buildings and who carry the secrets and futures and hopes and regrets of their patients to and from work every day, and who do so with dutiful mercy. May God bless you. May His face shine upon you.

— Read Monica Hesse at Washington Post (free link)

Acting Chad fucked with the Department of Homeland Security report to make it less LOOK WHO INSTALLED TRUMP, IT WAS RUSSIA. Imagine that. — DHS Inspector General report

Looks like the State Department is finally getting involved with basketball superstar Brittney Griner's unlawful detention in Russia. GOOD. (ESPN)

Michigan using Joe Biden Bux to replace all the lead pipes. Thank you Michigan. — American Independent

Why is Joe Biden kamikazeing all the Hot Pockets factories? No really, Tucker Carlson is asking. (Daily Beast)

Help them. Help the librarians. — Anne Helen Petersen substack

Because they really really really are coming for the school boards.

Bonnie Anderson, a Katy school board candidate who made national headlines last year for her attempts to ban the graphic novels “New Kid” and “Class Act” by Jerry Craft, has repeatedly accused another candidate, Eliz Markowitz, of being a “predator.” Markowitz, the only openly gay candidate seeking a board seat in Katy, has spoken against attempts to ban books featuring LGBTQ characters and storylines.

“God knows your sinister agenda in trying to get a seat on a school board when you have no children,” Anderson wrote to Markowitz in a recent Facebook comment.

NBC News

Can you freeze cucumbers? Let's ask Martha Stewart, oh the answer is yes!

Well, that is a pretty incredible kids treehouse. And you're saving $28,900! Can you afford not to buy it??? (Etsy)

NOW we're talking kitchen islands. I'll take one of each. — DigsDigs

A note from Hooper, your bartender:

Hey folks. In light of the Supreme Court news, I'm lightly tossing aside my "here's a lovely light and refreshing Mother's Day cocktail" article in favor of my "these are the most hardcore shots the staff does at the bar" article. One of the shots I've got in mind needs some prep work. Do this before Friday. You'll thank me later.

Lemon Sherbet

6-8 large lemons
2/3 cup sugar

Wash all the lemons with hot water and give them a rough scrub with a kitchen towel. You're trying to get any wax off outside of the lemons. Peel the lemons. Try to get as little white pith into the peel as possible. Save the denuded lemons for later.

Toss the sugar and lemon peels together. All the peels should be thoroughly coated with sugar. Cover and let sit for a day. The sugar will draw all the lemon oil out of the peel.

After a day, scrape all the lemon oil/melted sugar out of the bowl into a jar. You don't get a ton of yield from this process, so don't panic if you don't have a bunch. (For reference, the lemon oil goo is called oleo saccharum, and it's super tasty on its own.) Rinse the bowl and the lemon peels with about 1/4 cup of boiling water, and pour that into the jar too. Squeeze all the reserved lemons into the oleo saccharum. Visualize the heads of your least favorite Supreme Court justice as you crush each fruit. (Try not to get any seeds or pulp into the final product, though.) Stir. Store the final product in the fridge. It'll keep for two weeks.

Hang in till Friday. Help is on the way.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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