OK! Here we go! One more day of impeachment trial liveblog and then this week will be ov-HAHAHA just kidding, this shit runs on Saturdays too. Trump is upset about that, because his very good lawyers will be beginning their case on Saturday, which he says is "Death Valley" of TV. And they are such very good lawyers too!

Or maybe they are not very good lawyers?

Wow, for once in our entire lives, we agree with Matt Gaetz. Trump's lawyers are so fucked right now. Maybe it is good (for them) that they have to start their business on Saturday.

Anyway, let's see what else is happening, oh nothing except for LORDY THERE ARE TAPES. And they are ... Igor tapes?


ABC News is reporting on that private dinner at the Trump Hotel on April 30, 2018, that Lev Parnas told Rachel Maddow about, where Trump fired Marie Yovanovitch for the 5th or 85th time, because he kept firing her but his people would ignore/forget the order as soon as they got it. Parnas told Maddow he now regrets telling Trump what he told him at that dinner, which is that the ambassador had been bad-mouthing him and saying he would be impeached, because he doesn't think she was saying things like that.

"Get rid of her!" is what the voice that appears to be President Trump's is heard saying. "Get her out tomorrow. I don't care. Get her out tomorrow. Take her out. Okay? Do it."

That is normal, for a president to say "take her out" about a sitting ambassador to Ukraine.

This tape? Made by IGOR FRUMAN. That's right, the other Rudy Giuliani Chucklefuck. Now, to our knowledge, Fruman is still repped by former Trump idiot lawyer John Dowd and current Manafort idiot lawyer Kevin Downing, who originally repped Lev Parnas, which would mean he is still onside with the president. Yet, we are compelled to ask why we are now getting IGOR tapes leaked to the press? Is something happening with IGOR? Will season two (next week) of the impeachment trial be IGOR-THIRTY? Will it be IGOR-PALOOZA? Will it be an IGOR-ENING?

We just do not know.

As for other news about the impeachment that's happened since last night, Liz covered a lot of it, including the part about how a Trump confidante says GOP senators were told it would be their "head on a pike" if they voted against Trump (totally normal, just like "take her out!"). Also her post has Adam Schiff's closing speech from last night, which was incredible, and either will go down in the history books as the last great stand for democracy or a pivotal moment in turning this ship around.

Meanwhile, Claire McCaskill said on MSNBC last night that she's been talking to people about this whole "witness" thing and she's hearing the fix is in because Republicans/Trump (they are colluding!) are obsessed with having the trial done by the Super Bowl, so Trump can gloat about being totally exonerated. And Axios is reporting that maybe if they don't vote for witnesses and documents, they will blame Jerry Nadler for being too mean to them the other night during one of his presentations, and thus hurting Susan Collins's delicate fucking feelings.

Great day in America, let's liveblog, y'all.

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1:09: Proceedings begin as usual with the prayer to Jesus for "Let not Republicans be stupid traitors today" or whatever it is. McConnell says tomorrow's shit starts at 10 a.m. so update your Alexa reminders accordingly!

Adam Schiff says today they will finish their presentation on abuse of power (Article I), and then do their presentation on obstruction (Article II).

And Jason Crow begins the presentations with a joke about god knows what. He is going to talk about what happened when Trump got caught and lifted the aid on September 11, 2019.

First came whistleblower, which they found out about long before we did. Also the Washington Post broke the news on September 5 (on its editorial page!) that "Trump tries to force Ukraine to meddle in the 2020 election."

Crow notes that there is no other explanation for Trump lifting aid besides "got caught," all the impeachment witnesses confirmed it, and no, whatever Jim Jordan said about Ukraine's parliament passing an anti-corruption package is not a serious defense. Trump doesn't care about corruption in Ukraine. That has been established.

1:16: Crow is pre-butting GOP arguments that no harm, no foul, because they got the aid! Except for how the aid hold went public and the intended damage was done and Putin got the message that Trump's support for Ukraine was wavering.

1:18: CROW: Here is some bullshit Trump's lawyers will say. It is lies.

1. They were doing a policy review! Except no, there was no inter-agency process, they were not doing any kind of review. Laura Cooper from Defense testified there was no review. George Kent testified from State testified there was no review. And it had already been certified, before June 18 when the aid package was announced as cleared for release.

2. Trump was so upset about corruption! OK click yer heels and say that with a straight face, motherfucker. DoD had already concluded Ukraine had made progress on corruption, in advance of receiving the aid. Know what Trump never talked to Zelenskyy on the phone about? Corruption.

3. Trump was so upset about burden-sharing! Other countries weren't giving Ukraine enough moneys, PAY UP! Except literally nothing related to that shows up in the evidence and also Europe gives Ukraine a shitload of money, and the EU has given more than the US. Also when Trump released the aid, nothing about the EU's contributions had changed. Nothing had changed.

4. Ukraine didn't find out until August 28! No pressure! Also bullshit! They found out, according to witnesses, way early, because they figured it out. DoD announced the aid was released in June, and then there was tumbleweeds and Ukraine was like "WHAR AID?" Crow notes that extortion is still extortion whether it lasts two weeks or 100 years. Also how do we know Ukraine knew and was feeling the heat? Because Zelenskyy was literally finally buckling and preparing to do a CNN interview with Fareed Zakaria to announce Trump's bullshit investigations, even though they all knew it was morally wrong.

1:26: And now Hakeem Jeffries takes over. Sounds like he's moving right into Article II, or maybe he is talking about the cover-up, which is kinda part of both articles.

JEFFRIES: Trump tried to cheat, he got caught, and then he worked hard to cover it up.

1:28: The White House found out about concerns about the treason call pretty much right when Trump hung up the phone, because people went to lawyers almost immediately. The whistleblower raised concerns with CIA counsel very quickly. Unfortunately they kept running into NSC lawyer John Eisenberg, who put the treason call records in the Bin Laden server. People all over the place were raising concerns about the hold. EVERYBODY was freaked out.

1:34: JEFFRIES: The treason call was not perfect. It was IMPERFECT. And it eliminated any doubt that Trump was the ringleader, and it wasn't just rogue Giulianis running around goin' rogue like a common Palin.

1:38: JEFFRIES: Did White House lawyers try to STOP Trump's criming? Or did they ENABLE it? They ENABLED it by doing COVER-UP, and putting the Zelenskyy call record in the BIN LADEN SERVER, and Wonkette just said that TEN MINUTES AGO because Wonkette knows this shit too fucking well at this point, so well that we can anticipate everybody's speeches 10 minutes before they happen, just click the link above and read about the server, fuck.

Gonna go walk around our house 50 times and let Hakeem Jeffries catch up to OUR BRAIN.

1:44: JEFFRIES: Wouldn't it be cool to be able to ask John Eisenberg about how and why that call got put on the Bin Laden server? Wouldn't it be cool to ask him why he told the CIA lawyer who told him about the whistleblower to pound sound? Wouldn't it be cool to ask him to his face? I have idea! It is word that sounds kinda like 'SUP, PENIS!

1:47: Here is a good backgrounder on all the sins of John Eisenberg.

1:49: Dramatic re-enactment of the weeks after the White House found out about the whistleblower.

"OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT DO COVER-UPS OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT GET TRUMP TO LIFT THE HOLD ON THE AID OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!"

The end.

1:50: JEFFRIES: And DoJ even helped! They wrote an OLC opinion that said actually the whistleblower laws do not say what they say, and therefore you don't have to give the whistleblower complaint to Congress, even though the law clearly says "shall be" delivered to Congress. Not "maybe if you wanna" or "if you run into Congress and the subject comes up." SHALL.

1:53: JEFFRIES: "Truth crushed to the ground will rise again!" Says Trump tried to cheat, got caught, and then did coverups. Says there's a "toxic mess" at 1600 Penn. Ave. Says it's Congress's job to clean it the fuck up.

1:55: Jeffries closing with lots of nice things about how America has been through hard stuff before like the 1929 stock market crash and 9/11 and stuff and TIME TO NUT UP, SENATORS.

1:59: Jason Crow back to talk about more of the White House/OMB/Defense freakouts and efforts to get Dipshit to lift the damn hold. It is just a lot of tick-tock.

2:07: What did everybody say to everybody when they were like "EEK, TRUMP IS CRIMING"? They said, "Call the lawyers." John Bolton said, "Call the lawyers." Uh oh, the lawyers are part of the cover-up! They begin their public defense of Trump tomorrow!

2:11: Crow made a chuckle comment! He said when Congress announced it was investigating the weird hold on Ukraine aid, that was when the "music stopped" and "everybody scrambled to find a chair." Like the common children's game! But with crimes, womp womp.

2:19: Jason Crow all finished! Adam Schiff says now we will do the last presentation on Article I, and then it is breaktime.

Schiff will talk about why Trump hurt our national interest and national security. Trump "did exactly what our framers feared most." He sold out America and invited foreign inteference into our elections. Etc.

2:23: SCHIFF: Trump fucking over Ukraine emboldens Russia. An emboldened Russia is a danger to America and our European allies. GET IT, HENNNNNNGH?

2:24: SCHIFF: You know it's a threat to national security when Russia can do a psych profile on our president (which they definitely have) and find how easily that idiot can be manipulated with propaganda, right? Like such as? HENNNNNNGH?

2:26: SCHIFF: Why Ukraine important? Well for one thing they are on the front lines of the global fight against authoritianism, and if America is not in that fight anymore, god help us.

2:32: Uh oh, Schiff is reading quotes from Trump's mortal enemy John McCain (currently deceased) saying things like "we are all Ukrainians" after the Russian invasion, and showing videos of McCain talking about what a piece of shit Trump's BFF Putin is, Trump gonna be GRRRRRR.

2:33: Meanwhile:

2:36: And now Schiff is just reminding unpatriotic Russo-Republican senators that our aid is TEN PERCENT of Ukraine's military budget, and oh yeah, here are some impeachment witnesses talking about how many Ukrainians have died in this war, how many died this week, and how that relates to Trump pulling the aid and fucking Ukraine in the face in service of Russia, who is the real winner in all this.

2:43: SCHIFF: Trump's actions fuck NATO. You all theoretically support NATO. Lindsey Graham literally has a bill to strengthen it going through the Senate right now! Trump's actions fuck our troops in Europe, the ones fighting with NATO! You all literally have been voting to support Ukraine now since 2014 when Russia invaded. Jesus, this should not be this complicated.

2:48: SCHIFF: We are literally throwing away our alliances, making it so our allies don't trust us, and for fucking what? So some pussy-grabbing illiterate can cheat in his re-elect? If we keep going down this road we're going to lose all our fucking allies, THANKS OBAMA ALL YOU GUYS.

2:50: This is yet another barn-burner from Schiff, can he just run for president? Jesus.

2:53: Remember that thing George Kent testified about, a conversation between Ambassador Bill Taylor, Kurt Volker and Zelenskyy adviser Andriy Yermak, and Volker was like "bad idea to do investigations of the former president Poroshenko, dude, very bad form," and Yermak was like "LOL, you mean like the ones you're trying to get us to do of the Bidens and Clintons?"

That conversation proves Schiff's entire point. Under Trump we've lost the ability to even lean on people and try to make them better.

(And no, this is not the same as "But the CIA has done coups and bad things forever!" Yes they have. Many of them happened during the Cold War and were directly related to it. However, one thing America always did have going for us is that people expected us to be better, and when we said shit like that, they listened. No more.)

3:03: Schiff is closing (SUPPOSABLY) by saying not only have Democrats proven that Trump abused his power, but that he is still doing it, and he will continue to sell out America and try to steal elections at the expense of our national security.

He cites Russia's ongoing attacks on American democracy, which we absolutely know Trump will not defend America against, because the attacks benefit him.

3:04: SCHIFF: Remember when Robert Mueller said Russia was still attacking us and could continue and do it more and bigger? And then last week we found out that surprise, Russia is hacking Burisma to try to find/create dirt on Joe Biden, for Trump?

3:06: Schiff takes us back to that HORRIFIC treason press conference Trump did with Putin in Helsinki, where he said he didn't think Russia attacked our elections, and then diarrheaed out Russian conspiracy theories about WHERE IS THE SERVER? WHERE IS THE SERVER? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SERVERS? WHERE ARE THE SERVERS? WHERE ARE THE MISSING SERVERS? WHERE ARE HILLARY CLINTON'S EMAILS?

Schiff is like "yeah, you GOP senators remember this. You fucking remember." Says Putin was probably jizzing ropes because his own Kremlin propaganda was literally coming out of the mouth of the American president, as he said he doesn't believe our own intelligence agencies.

This is sick.

3:09: SCHIFF: "Whatever profile Russia did of our president, BOY did they have him spot on!" All he needs is flattery and propaganda. Schiff says what a propaganda coup! Trump won't read his own briefing papers, but he'll read Kremlin propaganda!

Really, GOP? You think Trump should stay in office? Yeah?

3:12: SCHIFF: And the buy-in to Trump believing all this Russian propaganda is that Ukraine wasn't going to get the aid it needs. What a coup for Russia! Putin couldn't have directed this better if his hand was literally up Trump's ass, not that Schiff is saying it isn't literally up there, ALLEGEDLY!

3:13: SCHIFF: Was it worth it for Trump? To believe some pissant former NYC mayor who's lost his fucking marbles, and also believe the president of Russia, instead of his own intel agencies? Because it sure wasn't worth it for America.

Like we said, BARN BURNER.

Michael Bloomberg should just buy ads from now until the election featuring clips from Schiff's speeches.

3:17: SCHIFF: Do. You. Think. This. Shit. Is. Going. To. Stop? WTF OMG RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING!

3:20: SCHIFF: Hey, Republican senators, what if this happened to you? What if somebody was hitting up the foreigns for fake investigations into YOU? What if you were the ambassador and Rudy Giuliani did a smear campaign against YOU, just because you were just trying to do good work? What if you saw the president talking on the phone with a foreign leader saying "some things are going to happen" to YOU?

Is that abuse of power? Would you be pissed about that? What the fuck is wrong with you? It MIGHT be you next time!

3:22: SCHIFF: You think he wouldn't do this to you? Fuuuuuuuuck.

"You don't realize how important character is in a president until you don't have it."

Oh yeah he told China to investigate the Bidens too. It's not going to stop.

3:28: Sorry, y'all, we are just kind of watching this breathtaking speech from Schiff and going "wow." Schiff has gone full "We have an un-American and anti-American president" and we are loving it, and also horrified by it, because it is the truth.

3:31: Whew he is done, and Moscow Mitch needs a BREAK. And so do we!

3:52: Hey you guys, Jay Sekulow is queening out on the television and saying they are going to "rebut" everything the Democrats said, and he immediately started talking about Fusion GPS and the dossier.

So.

Yeah.

4:07: Oh we are back! Val Demings begins presenting Article II on obstruction of Congress. She says don't worry, we are closer to the end than we were yesterday.

She notes that Trump's obstruction is "hysterically" unprecedented, and also that fucker never even invoked executive privilege, pfffffft, does she not even know he thinks he is the king?

4:08: What are you having/did you have for lunch? We are having some sort of miso butter shrimp over veggies, it is good and very low carb!

4:10: Here is part of Schiff's latest very good speech, if you missed it.

4:11: DEMINGS: Despite all the obstruction, we still made our case. Don't you want the whole story? Don't wait to read about it in a book or in the newspaper, because it will come out.

4:13: Told y'all Baby Jay was queening out.

4:15: DEMINGS: If we let Trump get away with this obstruction, it will destroy the balance of powers and presidents really will be able to do what they want, and by that, we mean that President Sasha Obama will replace the entire Senate with mandatory Drag Queen Story Hour for all conservative Christians, and President Chelsea Clinton will do, we dunno, probably emails again.

4:20: And now Sylvia Garcia goes! She says good job being listeners, everyone! It reminds her of when she went to "baby judge school," where they taught her to be patient and listen and also be fair.

Garcia is going to say the facts of the case, and the scope of the cover-up, and what Trump has "lawlessly hidden" from America.

4:23: Let Sylvia Garcia count the ways!

1. The White House refused to turn over the whistleblower complaint.

2. Trump issued order to entire administration to refuse to comply with impeachment inquiry

3. Allllllll the witness intimidation of the impeachment witnesses. Oh hey, Marsha Blackburn was committing that crime this week! We'd link you to a regular news report, but local news in Nashville is way meaner.

4. Oh yeah, HIDING THE CALL RECORDS ON THE BIN LADEN SERVER.

5. Hiding the Ukraine aid hold from Congress, because of how they knew it was crime. "Expect Congress to become unhinged," like that one OMB guy wrote to Mick Mulvaney.

6. And many more!

4:29: Garcia is showing video of Trump screaming over Marine One saying impeachment should be stopped, IN THE COURTS!

But the courts did not stop it, because that wasn't the courts' fucking business. :(

Instead Trump decided to just attack witnesses on Twitter and at rallies and so on and so forth.

4:31: Garcia now references the stupidass joke letter Pat Cipollone sent to Nancy Pelosi on October 8. At the time we wondered aloud if Cipollone had hired Diamond & Silk's lawyers to write it.

4:36: Garcia details how State and Defense actually said they wanted to try to cooperate. Wonder what happened!

4:40: You really ought to go back and look at that dumb Cipollone letter. It is seriously bad. Zero legal arguments, all just CONGRESS IS NOT REAL!

Here are some docs Garcia says we know exist but they refuse to turn over:

1. John Bolton's notes.

2. Bill Taylor's notes and comms with Mike Pompeo.

3. OMB emails about the crime-hold.

4:48: Garcia notes that while some brave witnesses and officials defied Trump and handed over documents, Gordon Sondland wasn't even allowed to review his own shit for his testimony, nor work with his staff to put the relevant files together.

4:50: Garcia finished, bet Zoe Lofgren is gonna do obstruction with witnesses, oh yes, we were right! It is like we are a House manager!

4:51: LOFGREN: Nixon didn't have to be subpoenaed, he directed his people to testify, this fucker is worse than Nixon.

4:52: Here is a list of people who are good and people who are bad.

GOOD: All those nice people who sat down in Congress and talked.

BAD: Everybody else. Like hey, these OMB guys we subpoenaed that you should call! Don't you want to talk to them? Don't you want to go on a speed date with them? Lindsey, you're single!

4:56: Who bad? Mick Mulvaney bad! Mick Mulvaney confessed to the crimes! Don't you want to call him bad to his face? Sure you do, everybody hates Mick Mulvaney!

4:59: Who bad? JOHN FUCKING EISENBERG, the NSC lawyer who got a subpoena, who put the treason call records in the Bin Laden server. THAT GUY.

5:04: Who bad? Ulrich Brechbuhl! Bet you don't even know that name! But he was IN THIS. He is a State Department guy! If you subpoena that guy who previously refused our subpoena, you could have Senate contests for how to spell "Ulrich Brechbuhl," wouldn't that be a fun game?

5:06: LOFGREN: Literally no president ever has issued an executive order to prevent ALL PEOPLE from testifying in an impeachment inquiry. Ever.

5:08: And Demings! Her turn again! She says let's look at a "final" set of facts, like they are going to get this shit done at a reasonable hour on a Friday night HAHAHAHAHAHAHA no way.

5:10: DEMINGS: There is not time to go through every time President Shithead committed the crime of witness intimidation, but let's do a few, starting with badass Marie Yovanovitch, and what he did to her.

Remember, Trump tweeted this during her testimony:

Of course, all of that was a lie.

Schiff gave her an opportunity to respond, and she spoke directly to how the crime of witness intimidation is, unsurprisingly, intimidating!

5:14: Trump called Bill Taylor a "Never Trumper" and said Pompeo made a "mistake" when he hired him. That guy has now been removed from his job.

Oh yeah, let us now talk about Trump's constant lies about the whistleblower and the whistleblower report, and he also threatened that person and any people who gave them information.

"I want to know who's the person who gave the whistle-blower the information because that's close to a spy," Mr. Trump said. "You know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart with spies and treason, right? We used to handle it a little differently than we do now."

Trump said that at the United Nations.

Oh and now Demings is PISSSSSSSED about the constant (and ongoing!) witness intimidation against Lt. Col. Alex Vindman, who literally has a Purple Heart and is everything America dreams of when it comes to immigrants.

5:19: Jerry Nadler to talk now about how this all applies law-wise!

5:30: Nadler making some really good points. Not only is Trump's obstruction a crime, it 100 percent shows consciousness of guilt.

And if the Senate doesn't act, ALL presidents will have this as precedent. Even President Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez!

Congress will say "We impeach President Ocasio-Cortez for CLIMATE!" And she will say "GREEN NEW DEALING YOUR FACE!"

And as Nadler says, sure, any president is gonna hate the fuck out of an impeachment inquiry. That's normal. All presidents hate Congress, in general! It is a thing! Watch idealized presidents on TV, like on "The West Wing." HAAAAAATE Congress.

Get over it. It's part of being president.

5:36: NADLER: And yes, other presidents have been twatty about Congressional oversight, but you cannot do that with impeachment, asshole.

5:42: Nadler is literally reading out the history of presidents who thought Congress should go suck a dick but nonetheless understood that Congress was an equal branch of government and governed accordingly.

5:46: Lofgren has more to say! Nadler is finished! And he did a really good job speaking to senators as senators. Along the lines of "We are all in this together. If we let the president be a dictator, you can kiss your congressional powers goodbye."

5:49: Lofgren references the famous Nixon Watergate SHOW US TEH TAPES case, where Judge John Sirica wrote, "It should not be forgotten that we deal in a matter of the most critical moment to the Nation, an impeachment investigation involving the President of the United States." SPOILER, they had to turn over the tapes.

5:56: Hahahaha, Lindsey Graham, IN YOUR FACE. Can't run away from the Senate chamber when you don't have advance notice that Zoe Lofgren is just going to quote your hypocritical ass, from back when youse guys both were on the House Judiciary Committee together:

"The day Richard Nixon failed to answer that subpoena is that day that he was subject to impeachment because he took the power from Congress over the impeachment process away from Congress and he became the judge and jury."

Yes, that is Lindsey Graham.

6:02: Lofgren's whole presentation is basically "This fucker thinks he's king. You gonna do anything about it?"

6:08: Good closer from Lofgren: "The president must forfeit the powers he has abused and be removed."

Anyway, Hakeem Jeffries says he's going to try to go fast because he knows people are hungry for DINNER.

6:10: Jeffries just showing clips of President Despot saying he's the chosen one and can do whatever he wants, etc.

6:18: Trump being a DICTATOR. A DESPOT. Not a DEMOCRACY. That is what Hakeem Jeffries says.

Sounds like as they roll toward the end of the presentation, they are just going to hammer these points all the way to hell over and over and over again, so Susan Collins dreams of them and wakes up in the morning and expresses displeasure and complains to John Roberts that the Democrats are being rude and violating Senate decorum IN HER DREAMS.

6:26: JEFFRIES: Again, like Zoe Lofgren said, ALL PRESIDENTS HATE CONGRESS, GROW THE FUCK UP! FUCK!

No president has ever ever EVER obstructed like this. Ever ever!

6:29: JEFFRIES: Since you're going to hear this from Trump's lying dipshit lawyers, Trump seems to have mistaken the House's initial inquiry for his trial. That was not that. He was actually given more protections than they gave to Nixon and Clinton, and he had an opportunity to be represented in the Judiciary Committee's hearings. He declined. Again, because we know you are going to hear this from Trump's dipshit liars.

6:32: JEFFRIES: And we woudln't have had to do that initial investigation if Bill Barr had done his fucking job instead of doing cover-ups for Trump!

6:34: JEFFRIES: The rules we followed? The ones these fuckers been bitchin' about? Republicans wrote 'em. Mick Mulvaney voted for them when he was in Congress on the Oversight Committee. Mike Pompeo voted for them when he was on the BNETGHAZI!11!1!1!! committee.

6:37: HAKEEM JEFFRIES IS WINDING DOWN, EVERYONE.

6:38: Here some other rules we used that were voted in by the following Republicans: Trey Gowdy, Kevin McCarthy, all these other fuckers, good god, do you get that they're lying to you yet?

6:41: JEFFRIES: Maybe Trump didn't invoke executive privilege because somebody told him you're not allowed to do that simply to cover up crimes. Or maybe he didn't, because when Nixon tried it, literally the whole Supreme Court ruled against him, even his own appointees.

6:44: Jeffries closes (?) with a video of Trump saying he will always put America's interests first, guess he wanted to end on a belly laugh!

6:46: Annnnnnnnd dinner time! BRB we go to gym now.

Get ready for ... THE REBECC-ENING!

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Rebecca here, ready when they are!

What the fuck is wrong with them???

The reasonable Republican on CNN, who agrees that the "goon squad" should not be dining with the king, points out the president gets to pick his ambassadors, as the CNN panel discusses the Igor Fruman tape in which Trump says, "take her out." What a reasonable Republican!

The president DOES get to pick his ambassadors! He should have fired her, instead of telling non-governmental thugs who claim they weren't stalking her, it was all in fun, even as State told her to get the "first plane out," *for her safety*, to "take her out."

I am not saying anything you didn't know.

7:35: CROW UP! Crow is on "what is obstruction?" It is Donald Trump! Also "using his office to conceal abuse" and he's the "first president who claims he is immune." Even his lawyers, who presumably passed the bar except maybe Pam Bondi, have argued he cannot even be investigated. He can quash any investigation for any reason or none at all. Courts may disagree, but he also thinks the judiciary can go screw too so SHRUGGY MOTICON! He can't be investigated IN impeachment, and he can't be investigated OUT of impeachment!

That's some catch, that Catch-22. It's the best catch there is.

CROW: Him telling Congress to fuck off is the same as when he impeded the Special Counsel, I guess Crow didn't get THE MEMO (Bob Barr's memo). Which says DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES! No, it says LIE LIE LIE, Mueller cleared the president! And then all the people on the Internet said "if Barr lied, you really think ROBERT MUELLER WOULDN'T SAY SOMETHING?" And then some weeks later it came out that Mueller wrote Barr a very concerned letter like a common Susan Collins. But they didn't care, just like these Republican senators didn't care.

ANYWAY, my point is, Trump a big ol' Congress obstructer, and these craven asslicks LETTING HIM.

CROW: Trump has defied subpoenas; ordered witnesses to defy subpoenas; threatened witnesses; some other stuff.

What makes America great? Is it BULLYING AND RACISM? Crow says it is "putting aside our self-interest to make sacrifices for the public good." Aw, Crow is adorable.

AIN'T HAPPENING CROW.

7:50: Schiff: "I'M TIRED!" Boy, tell us about it!

SCHIFF: Here's what we've proved: All of it.

You all know what Schiff and the Schiffleroys have proved. You also know that Adam Schiff has created an extraordinary presentation from the first day, when they were just supposed to debate "documents" and "witnesses." Which the Republicans have been complaining about ever since -- "We have learned nothing new," they bitch, while voting to refuse to learn anything new.

I feel like they might not be very intellectually honest.

Schiff has a list!

1. Directing the White House to impede document production for lawful subpoenas.

2. Directing the agencies to do the same.

3. Directing officials not to cooperate or testify, which nine officials defied.

4. Arrogating to himself determination of the propriety of his own impeachment inquiry.

Some other ones, but he stopped putting numbers before them, so I got confused.

Personally, I would have impeached him for diverting military money to WALL after Congress, which has the power of the purse, said "don't divert military money to WALL." That's obstructing Congress, no? Whatever.

8:05: Schiff pointing out that Don McGahn and Trump are using the courts to delay for years. SOUNDS GOOD TO US! say Republican senators. They're not dumb, and they're cowards, and they're mean, which is a neat combination.

Schiff prebuts the president's lawyers.

They will argue process: "How dare Democrats take depositions using the previous Republican House's rules?" He suspects they will lie about how Republicans had to "storm the SCIF" because they "weren't allowed to participate." FUCK YOU says Schiff. "We got an hour, they got an hour. We got 45 minutes, they got 45 minutes. Back and forth until everyone was finished."

Schiff explains he didn't let anybody ask who the whistleblower was, so you can't PUNISH THEM, AS WHISTLEBLOWERS ARE PROTECTED BY LAW.

The only way you can think a whistleblower is a "traitor or a spy" is if you think Le Etat c'est Trump.

Don't listen when they bitch about the "most unfair impeachment process in history," those Trump lawyers are smoking heroin dipped in crack soaked in oxys.

Now Schiff mocks the lawyers who will say that he, Schiff, mocked the president. "I discovered something very significant by mocking the president: that for a man who sure likes to mock others, he doesn't like being mocked." Calls him thin-skinned. Doesn't call him a shit-diaper snot-baby, as John Roberts would be :(

He wonders if maybe they will attack The Squad? Probably! But "what does that have with the price of beans?"

What else will they attack? Just a little thing called THE CONSTITUTION. "'Presidents have every right to abuse their power!'" he says Alan Dershowitz will say. (Dersh will.) "Last time I checked, there wasn't a change in the Constitution between the time he said abuse of power was impeachable (under Clinton) and wasn't impeachable (now)." Brings up "But Clinton got a blowie." (Not his exact words.) Was Bill Clinton's mistake not telling Congress to fuck off, he got an Article II right here says he can get all the blowies and lie about it? Probably yeah. Also signing the Welfare Bill, Adam Schiff does not say.

OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS. I literally forgot Ken Starr was one of the Trump lawyers until right now. I think I am getting the menopause. It is making me very stupid!

What will Jay Sekulow say? "THE WHISTLEBLOWER!" It was the last thing he said. (It was, I was blooging!) WHAR WHISTLEBLOWER? It was very stupid. But then Schiff got allllll the other witnesses, who all confirmed the whistleblower, and Trump started threatening the whistleblower, and the whistleblower started getting death threats so ... yay.

What else will their defense be? LOOK OVER THERE IT'S JOE BIDEN! Pretty good defense.

"What else? That the president is concerned about corruption and burden-sharing. I am literally not going to grace that with a response."

How about NOBUMMER? NoNOPE. Obama withheld aid? Yes, because EGYPT WAS ON REVOLUTION AT THE TIME. And also, oh, minor point, Congress said "cool."

Gee, I wonder if Fox News might start running the trial with sound on tomorrow? Five American Dollars says LOL.

They'll say no harm no foul! Here's why they got mouths full of shit. The second Ukraine found out we didn't have their backs, Russia found out the same thing.

They'll say "the Democrats asked if you ever heard the president say I BRIBE YOU!" and when the witnesses said "no, that is not how I BRIBE YOU" works.

I think Adam Schiff is giving the GOP lawyers wayyyyy too much credit. Sekulow already previewed his argument today it was "HILLARY BENGHAZI CROWDTRIKE QANON WHERE WE GO ONE WE GO ALLLLL WHAT IS THIS IN MY BUTT, DO I EAT IT OR JUST PUT IT ON THE WALL?"

Schiff, being a good attorney, is thinking how HE would try the opposite case. THEY ARE NOT THAT SMART, SCHIFF. Like REALLY REALLY REALLY NOT THAT SMART.

I didn't get whatever he just said about the Kennedys, I was typing about the Republicans examining their poo-nuts, sorry :/

Adam Schiff talks about our military men, the Crows and the McCains and his own father, who kept failing the military physicals to get into WWII even though he kept trying. Schiff is getting a little verklempt, talking about the education his father got by leaving college to start a business. It's a weird point: "Those who have served have the most complete education there is." Ohhhhkay, here it comes: "Is moral courage really more rare than courage on the battlefield?"

Can you be brave if you're from a swing state? Can you disagree with your friends and your own party? Can you withstand being called out, even, as a traitor?

Oh Schiff, what an optimist you are. No. They can't.

He brings up CBS's report last night that said the White House told Republicans, "vote against the president and your head will be on a pike." (HEY! IT'S LIKE WHEN THEY SAY THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE! THAT WAS THE TITLE, ONE HUNDRED HOURS AGO, OF THIS POST!!!)

He hopes it isn't true. (It is true.)

8:45: Nixon's impeachment would not have gone forward without a Republican who died this week, Rep. Thomas Railsback -- one of, apparently, four.

FOUR, REPUBLICANS.

SUBPOENA THEY ASSES, says Schiff.

Schiff talks about witnesses and documents and whether privilege ought to apply, Annie Hall-styley: We can go to a judge! I've got a perfectly good judge RIGHT HERE!

Now he's on Lincoln, self-educated, brilliant, "a brain in that head," one of the most incredible people in history, Schiff says. Why him? I don't know, it's been like five minutes. Sometimes Schiff takes a hot minute to get to the point. Oh, I THINK it's that "you can be remembered for a single decision," when our nation is threatened not from without "but from within."

8:55: In Russia, which has a good Constitution too, they have "trial by telephone." When it's time to rule, the judge makes a call to ask his real dad which way it should go. And now it is Chinese internment camps, and the Philippines, and Elgin Prison, all over the world, "they look to us." And increasingly "they don't recognize what they see." "Give America a fair trial."

Fuck, Schiff.

Um, we are ADJOURNED.

Back in the morning, after I lie on the kitchen floor for the next 9 hours. See you at 10! Oh, and if you want to throw a tip in the kitty, that sure would be swell!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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