Donate

Take Intern Juli's Advanced Emanuel Brothers Personality Test From Hell

News

If you're a former ballet dancer with a hot temper and nine and a half fingers, you're probably glad to see that this Rahm Emanuel fellow came along. If he can make it, so can you! Emanuel also has two brothers, Zeke and Ari, with whom you might have more in common than you might think. Take Wonkette's Official Emanuel Brother Diagnostic Personality Test and find out!


1. Pretend you were one of three brothers born to a psychiatric social worker and a pediatrician. You'd be the:

A. Eldest [Wikipedia]

B. Middle child [Wikipedia]

C. Youngest, by 16 months to the day [Wikipedia]

2. It's time to attend a small elite in-the-middle-of-nowhere four-year liberal arts college. You choose:

A. Amherst; in western Massachusetts, the only person around to give an inferiority crisis to is yourself [New York Times]

B. Sarah Lawrence; grades are for the weak and the academically-inclined [New York Times]

C. Macalester; it's neither Sarah Lawrence nor Amherst [New York Times]

3. Pet peeve:

A. Doctor-assisted suicide [New York Times]

B. Tony Blair's incompetence [Telegraph]

C. The belief that IQ and income are proportional [New York Times]

4. Unlikely ally:

A. the Wyden-Bennett health care bill [HuffPost]

B. G.W.F. Hegel [New Yorker]

C. Arianna Huffington [HuffPost]

5. Medical triumph:

A. Hippocrates Magazine Ethicist of the Year Award [NIH]

B. Survived a terrible case of a gangrenous finger [Esquire]

C. Dyslexic, hyperactive; you were accidentally hit by a car driven by your own client [New York Times]

6. Unlikely antagonist:

A. Andrew Sullivan [Andrew Sullivan]

B. Andrew Sullivan [Andrew Sullivan]

C. Mel Gibson [Defamer]

7. You're invisible on GChat, but you still choose to IM:

A. Stuart Butler, to say something pithy [Campaign Stop]

B. George Stephanopoulos [New York Times]

C. Chris Albrecht, domestic abuser with a heart [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

8. Achilles heel:

A. Dearth of information about yourself on the Internet, rendering it difficult to compile a quiz based on your life [Google]

B. Interior decoration [New Yorker]

C. Season 4 of Entourage [The Big Picture]

9. To unwind, you:

A. Speak at the Aspen Institute [CSR Wire]

B. Call your rabbi [New Yorker]

C. Play racquetball [New York Times]

10. Ultimate goal:

A. Universal health care [PBS]

B. To be president of synagogue, America [New Yorker]

C. Getting front-paged on the Huffington Post [HuffPost]

Mostly As: Congratulations, you're Zeke. You're probably going to cure cancer one day. You're a lot smarter than everyone else, ever, and you illustrate this by wearing a pair of intimidatingly thin-rimmed glasses.

Mostly Bs: You're Rahm. You're sassy and petulant and disrespectful—but are grounded by your commitment to Judaism -- and now you're working for the Obama White House. You're Aaron's Sorkin's wet dream. Congratulations?

Mostly Cs: You're Ari "Gold" Emanuel and you work in Hollywood, with movie stars. You may not be as smart as your older brothers, but you're arguably better looking and certainly richer. For now, anyway.

$
Donate with CC

Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?

Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.

Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Last week, Nicole Arteaga of Peoria, Arizona received the devastating news from her doctor that her baby's development had stopped and that pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. Given the option of either a D&C or prescription medication, she chose to go with the prescription. Then, like all normal people do when they get a prescription, she went to a pharmacy to have it filled.

Unfortunately for her, Brian Hrenuic -- the pharmacist at the Walgreens she went to -- refused to give her that prescription, because he opposed it on "moral grounds."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc