Donate

Taking Firefighters Hostage, So Hot Right Now (Updated)

News

[Updated at 8:05 PM] We are getting very little news out of Suwanee, Georgia, where five firefighters who responded to a medical call are reportedly being held hostage by a gunman. Amazingly, it seems to have been at least three months since the last time this happened.


We would point out that crazed gunmen might possibly be stopped before they even start with something as simple as a background check, but as our own Doktor Zoom informed us earlier, “the only people who need a background check are criminals and people who are mentally ill,” but not anyone else. And you cannot argue with the math science of words that is logic like that.

We feverishly hope this does not end fucked. The only guns firemen should be worrying about are the ones with which they are cradling us to their broad strong chests.

Update by Yr Doktor Zoom: It's over; hostage-taker is dead, one SWAT team member injured, non-life threatening, and the 4 firefighters appear to have suffered superficial injuries from the flash-bang device used when the SWAT team went in:

Authorities confirm the suspect is dead after a four-hour, hostage standoff that included four Gwinnett County firefighter on Wednesday.

According to authorities, police used a "flash bang grenade" to distract the suspect when they felt their officers were in "immediate danger" on the scene.

All four of the firefighters taken hostage are safe and sustained superficial wounds during the recovery.

According to the brief remarks from the police briefer, the hostage-taker had been demanding that his electricity and cable TV be reconnected to the house, which had been foreclosed in November.

Further details are still emerging, but Yr Wonkette anticipates that this is somehow Barack Obama's fault.

[11alive]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc