Tammy Duckworth Will Kick GOP Ass With Her Robot Feet All The Way To U.S. Senate
Genuine Iraq war hero and super-bad badass Tammy Duckworth, the Democratic Illinois representative who had the distinct pleasure of kicking Deadbeat Loser Joe Walsh's ass in 2012 -- with her robot feet! -- officially announced on Monday that she's ready to do even more ass-kicking to become her state's next senator. Are we excited? Of course we are, and not just because Deadbeat Joe has been dropping not-so-subtle hints that he just might decide to primary Sen. Mark Kirk, from the teabag wing of the Republican Party, which would mean, awwwwwwww yeah, REMATCH! (Which Duckworth would win, OBVIOUSLY.)
While we, along with every single American who is not Walsh, have serious doubts that he could actually win his party's nomination (because of how he is totally nuts and also a dickbag, and even his own party knows that), mark us down in the "Sure, why not? We love a good Republican civil war!" column. Besides, with Duckworth jumping into the race, would Walsh be able to resist the appeal of losing to her again? We hope not!
While Walsh has been spewing bile on his radio show about "free speech" and how unfair it is that he cannot even say racial slurs and how nobody understands his highbrow "satire" about hoping the "Islamists" behead the "cowards" at the cable news stations, Rep. Duckworth has been working hard in Congress. No, really, she has. She even co-sponsored the No Budget, No Pay Act (H.R. 310), a bill that would have punished Congresstwits for failing to pass a budget that lasts longer than a week and a half, by taking away their pay. A perfectly fair and reasonable bill -- you don't do your job, you don't get paid -- so of course Congress shoved it into a dark dusty corner in the basement.
Duckworth has been a mighty fine addition to the House of Representatives, which would be true even if she had not replaced that scumbag Joe Walsh. And given her record of service to her country, it's a safe bet that she wouldn't be the kind of senator who would -- oh, just to pick a random example -- sign her name to a traitorous love letter to our enemies to humiliate and undermine our president. Unlike certain current senators of Illinois. (We're talking about Sen. Kirk, in case that was too subtle for you.)
Whether it's a Kirk-shaped ass or a Walsh one (LOL, it is so not going to be Walsh, but we'll hope and pray anyway) what gets whooped in 2016, we are going to start practicing "Senator Duckworth." It has a real nice ring to it.