Look these teabaggers are just like actual Republicans, what with drawing up contracts and the young black (or navy blue) people dancing, for hipness and hopness! Here we have the "Contract From America," which appears to be precisely what it sounds like, with exactly as many opportunities for reader-participation as you were hoping.

Their demands are such:

We believe that the result of this grassroots-generated marketplace of ideas will be a document that not only represents the will of the American people, but promotes unique ideas that will breathe new life into the economic conservative movement. We will have a Contract From America for which we are all responsible and in which we feel a sense of ownership. And politicians will have a stark choice: accept and therefore be held accountable to the terms of the Contract From America, or face loss of their seat in 2010.

So then you, the teabagging person who has somehow managed to get this far on a computer without trying to fax it, is directed to "Phase III: Final Elimination." It is simply a survey in which nothing is necessarily being eliminated.

Please rate each idea on a scale from 1 star (Bad idea) to 10 stars (Great idea).

REMEMBER, THE GOAL IS TO HELP US NARROW DOWN THIS LIST. IF YOU GIVE EVERY ISSUE 10 STARS, WE WILL HAVE TROUBLE DETERMINING WHICH ISSUES RESONATE THE MOST WITH YOU.

Also, the name "Contract From America" was fine for Phases of Elimination I, II, and III but for IV—or "IIII" as it absolutely will initially be called—the top teabags would like something a bit jazzier.

Winner gets America*.

*Does not include iPod.