Team Wonkette Field Trip: Congressional Beisbol
Team Wonkette Field Trip! From left: David Lat, the Comics Curmudgeon, Intern Nick (mostly hidden), and Alex Pareene.
Last night, Team Wonkette made its way out to RFK stadium for the annual Congressional Baseball Game, sponsored by Roll Call. The game was, well, sad and pathetic. The Republicans won 12-1 (Roberts recused himself). But man, what a trip. Drunk hill staffers everywhere, Katherine Harris wandering around, tight unis on middle-aged legislative paunches, and William Jefferson looking really intense. Pocket full of sandpaper, of course. But that's another story -- one for after the jump, in fact, illustrated with lovely pictures from Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter.
World Cup Action ...will not be seen tonight.
We sat above the Republican
bullpen dugout (you won't believe us, but we actually knew that), and spent most the game fascinated by their signage (one, for example, appeared to be a large professionally-printed sign that read, simply, "Nebraska").
Rick Santorum was the only Senator playing. He spent the entire pre-game sleazily working the crowd, signing baseballs and programs, stretching his bat behind his head, acting generally like the kid who graduated last year but still hangs out at the smoker's pit because he's found the only group of people who will ever respect him.
"Have you heard the good news? The House may take up action on the Agriculture bill after recess!"
(We asked a Senate staffer friend why Santorum was the only Senator to participate: "Rick was probably in the baseball game because he needs the fucking exercise. Seriously, have you seen that guy lately? He's more bloated than a Carolina tick.")
We might as well get all the obsessive Santorum coverage out of the way: He was greeted at his at-bat with "CAAA-SEEY." Which is meanspirited, but quite clever in a baseball context. We swear we didn't start it. We were too busy chanting "Weeeeeei-nerrrrr" every time Antony Weiner came up. Guy's like half the size of a normal Congressman. We also loudly applauded Bill Jefferson, at whom "Cold Hard Cash!" was chanted. Chanting: why don't we get to do this while they're debating on the House floor?
Everyone got C-Span water bottles. Filled with genuine C-Span Brand Water: The official beverage of static shots of Dennis Hastert looking peeved.
"Ha, according to this, I live in Pennsyl-something."
Finally, this dramatic account of Santorum's at-bat:
...it's the bottom of the 5th inning. Santorum steps up to bat, gets two strikes, then hits one way out into the outfield. Santorum gets to second base (I can't help but snicker as I re-read that with a different contextual meaning), then makes it to third base on the next play. He's on third base, there's one out. Standing on third base, with pressure mounting, Santorum realizes that he's not up to the challenge and decides to cut and run--so he calls for a relief runner to take his place.
In other words: RICK SANTORUM CUT AND RUN FROM THIRD BASE.
"Yeah, I'm pretty much a Senator. Yep. Kind of a big deal.
In the hat, Representative Adam Putnam.
Two rows behind me is Congressman Bilbray. A lot of people walked by and said congratulations and all that, and these two guys stop and say it and that they were out in san diego for election day helping him. And Bilbray says 'you guys were great out there, that's an election day you can tell your grandkids about, let's just hope you don't have to tell them in Spanish!"
Gameplay was mostly friendly, if completely one-sided. Though there was a nasty and, we thought, totally unsportsmanlike collision at the plate when Russ Carnahan slammed into Richard Pombo. Intern Nick swore he saw a "blowing away" handgun hand sign from Carnahan, but we didn't get a chance to check the tape.
But yeah, we left after the 5th. It was twice as boring as real baseball.
Yes, that is Hill Intern Hottie Tyson Smith. Katy Harris and a Hill Hottie -- it was the Wonkettest night ever.