Ted Cruz Just Wondering How Many Horse Heads Donald Trump Deducts On His Taxes

Not no more they aren't.

[contextly_sidebar id="dKqEZKL2n54h738aCmPuoDJmcI0OR8wS"]Oh what fun we are having, now that we have reached the point in the primary where Mitt Romney wants to dig into everybody else's tax returns. If you'll remember, last week, Romney, who really really REALLY didn't want to release his own returns during the 2012 campaign, suggested there was probably a "bombshell" in Trump's tax returns. Then during last Thursday night's GOP debate, Ted Cruz "ME TOO!"-ed Romney's plea for all the sweet Trump Tax Secrets. What's in there???? Probably just a bunch of Make America Great Again hats, and maybe a yooooge gold-plated Mexican border wall or two, that's what.

[contextly_sidebar id="elDNgbAol1Mg4joUDC3exXk8lEd8ZfH7"]During the debate, though, Cruz wasn't real specific about which "bombshell" secrets we were going to discover in those returns, besides what we already know about how Trump was for Hit-lery Clinton before he was against her. But now Cruz knows Trump's secrets:

Ted Cruz speculated on NBC’s “Meet the Press” that Donald Trump may be hesitant to release his tax returns because of “Donald's business dealings with the mob, with the mafia.”

“ABC, CNN, multiple news reports have reported about his some dealings with, for example, S&A Construction, which was owned by 'Fat Tony' Salerno, who is a mobster who is in jail,” Cruz said Sunday morning. “Maybe his taxes show those business dealings are a lot more extensive than has been reported.”

[contextly_sidebar id="e6yt7Mvd7NVir3YyFEKuYKm645JwLmuw"]Oh, just a bunch of Fat Tony business dealings. Typical Fat Tony. Of course, Cruz seems to have completely missed how Trump has already explained why he hasn't released his returns. It's because he's being audited for his abiding love for his lord and savior Jesus Christ, the way the IRS always does. (Except for how the IRS doesn't do that.)

[contextly_sidebar id="O5LWQC7v7ZT4GCODUoLqORL94BgTVNwh"]And hey, maybe Ted Cruz is right! Maybe on top of a bunch of information about how Trump is a TEN BILLIONAIRE (which is way more than Heidi Cruz's Goldman Sachs riches), we will learn that Trump is super tight with all the characters from the mafia movies. Or OTHER MYSTERIOUS LIBERAL THINGS, quite possibly.

[contextly_sidebar id="gzBZBIUZpoQlyx8maH44SnxY3v05oiU9"]Or maybe Ted Cruz is lashing out because literally everyone in the whole world hates him, and aside from his one little measly fuck-squeaker of a win in Iowa, Donald J. Trump is running the table on him, reverse cowgirl, uphill both ways in the Canadian snow. Maybe Cruz thinks that if Trump's dingleberry supporters learn THE REAL TRUTH about where his money's been going all these years, they will abandon their desire to Make America Great Again and settle on poor Ted, whose campaign is really not going as well as God said it would.

Or maybe he's just an asshole, there's always that.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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