REAL Christian, Ted.


[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/597828/everybody-hates-ted-cruz-and-his-stupid-foreign-born-face"></a>[/wonkbar]It's easy to forget, what with all the breaking news about Ted Cruz's alleged sex scandals and dildo-grabbing, that the man currently running second place for the Republican presidential nomination actually has a day job, as the most hated senator in the entire galaxy. Yes, he still works there! And he's fuckin' up the place in new grotesque ways!

Consider: A Very Republican Senator from Tennessee named Bob Corker is sponsoring a bill called the End Modern Slavery Initiative. Good so far, yeah? It's a way for the United States to lead the way in fighting for the millions of people around the world who are trapped in sex slavery, other kinds of slavery, human trafficking, and what have you. The idea is for the United States to partner with other nations, global NGOs and private donors to form a giant foundation to fight these problems where they exist, marshaling as many resources as possible to save these people. It would not be a U.S. Government agency, and the U.S. would contribute $250 million, with other entities contributing $1.25 billion. Way to work together, world!

But reportedly Ted Cruz and two other senators, Mike Lee of Utah and dead-eyed James Lankford of Oklahoma, are holding up the bill. And what's up Ted's mangled Canadian asshole about it? Abortion obviously:

A Cruz spokesman says the Senator supports the goal of ending modern slavery and human trafficking but “he has some concerns with the EMSI bill, specifically whether it does enough to ensure that the foundation created by the bill would not be able to fund organizations that provide or support abortions.”

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/596973/your-never-ending-olive-garden-shrimp-bowl-sauteed-in-never-ending-child-slave-tears"></a>[/wonkbar]Boko Haram kidnaps 300 girls in Nigeria and Ted Cruz is whining about fucking abortion. Slaves have basically built Dubai, and Ted Cruz is whining about fucking abortion. The shrimp your redneck cousins eat at Olive Garden was probably caught by child slaves, and Ted Cruz is whining about fucking abortion. Hey-o, better hope none of the people caught up in the slave trade are concealing any dildos, because Ted Cruz will be ON IT.

As Time magazine explains, there is already a stupid policy in place known as the Helms Amendment, which has "barred any money given as foreign aid from paying for abortion since the 1970s." So what's Ted's motherfucking problem again? Well remember how U.S. funding would be just one part of this organization, which would exist as a 501(c)3 outside the government? Cruz and his pals are just dying inside, we guess, because they're scared one of the other entities contributing money to the fight -- ONCE AGAIN, TO END SLAVERY -- might be able to accidentally use some of ITS money to pay for an abortion somewhere, somehow. Heaven forbid a child sex slave abort one of of God's Rape Babies with money that did not come from the United States! That would make Ted Cruz feel ICKY.

Or maybe Lyin' Ted is just doing that thing where he Stands On Principle, because he doesn't want any more money going to the foreigns, as "some supporters have quietly suggested," says Time. Here is how the thinking goes:

[O]nce the EMSI fund is up and running, the thinking goes, it could be around forever.

Oh fuck! They might keep fighting slavery, like all the way until it doesn't exist anymore? What in God's name are they suggesting?!

Sen. Corker The Republican doesn't know what the fuck his colleagues are smoking:

“This fund is being established to free slaves, both in sexual servitude and forced labor, and prosecute their captors. The legislation does not provide for abortion and has no pro-life issues,” says Corker. “It would seem that those claiming otherwise either haven’t read the current version of the legislation or have other reasons for trying to kill a bill focused on rescuing over 27 million women, children and men enslaved today around the world.”

For the record, according to Time, even the National Right To Life and other "pro-life" orgs fail to see the problem with this legislation, to SAVE PEOPLE FROM SLAVERY.

Just Ted and his smegma-gargling pals. Man, fuck those guys.

[Time / End Modern Slavery Initiative]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc