Ted Haggard Admits... Something

New Life Church leader, Bush best buddy, and Evangelical Right bigwig Ted Haggardresigned yesterday after a male escort claimed to the press that he'd had lotsa gay sex with the good pastor. Haggard's church sent out this email to supporters last night:

From: Pastor Ross Parsley Mailed-By: newlifechurch.org
Date: Nov 2, 2006 10:59 PM
Subject: Update from Pastor Ross

Dear New Lifers and friends of New Life Church,

Many of you have expressed concern about today's news regarding our pastor. Thank you all for your prayers and support, and for your concern for our church family.

As you've likely heard by now, Pastor Ted has voluntarily placed himself on administrative leave as New Life's senior pastor to allow our external board of overseers to work effectively. Below is the statement that we released to the media on Thursday afternoon.

Since that time, the board of overseers has met with Pastor Ted. It is important for you to know that he confessed to the overseers that some of the accusations against him are true. He has willingly and humbly submitted to the authority of the board of overseers, and will remain on administrative leave during the course of the investigation.

Ok, there are two accusations against Pastor Ted.

One: Gay sex with a hooker.

Two: Methamphetamines.

And those go together like Nancy Pelosi and Islamofascists. So our money's on "some" meaning "all."

Christ, this really is the best midterm election season ever.

Update: Haggard's voicemails re. buying meth are after the jump!

Ted Haggard Confesses [Non-Prophet]

Haggard's middle name: Arthur. MIKE JONES helpfully provided the recordings to 9news out in Colorado, who transcribe them thusly:

Hi Mike, this is Art. Hey, I was just calling to see if we could get any more. Either $100 or $200 supply. And I could pick it up really anytime I could get it tomorrow or we could wait till next week sometime and so I also wanted to get your address. I could send you some money for inventory but that's probably not working, so if you have it then go ahead and get what you can and I may buzz up there later today, but I doubt your schedule would allow that unless you have some in the house. Okay, I'll check in with you later. Thanks a lot, bye.

"Hi Mike, this is Art, I am here in Denver and sorry that I missed you. But as I said, if you want to go ahead and get the stuff, then that would be great. And I'll get it sometime next week or the week after or whenever. I will call though you early next week to see what's most convenient for you. Okay? Thanks a lot, bye."

Voice expert believes Haggard contacted male escort [9news.com]


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