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Everyone knows the best way to reduce teen pregnancy rates is to tell teens to Just Don't Do Sex, and they will say, "Oh, OK, then we will not do sex," and that takes care of that, the end.


In those extremely rare circumstances, however, when that doesn't work, it can be effective to teach teens about safe sex and to arm them with contraception. The Colorado Family Planning Initiative, for example, just won an award for reducing the state's teen birth rate by 40 percent, which sounds pretty impressive. More impressive than the states where they only teach kids Just Don't Do Sex and somehow have the highest teen pregnancy rates, WEIRD.

You'd think any program that can produce those kinds of results would really appeal to conservative family values types who believe only nice white married ladies who live in split-level suburban homes while their husbands are corporate jobbing for The Man should have babies (lots of babies!). But hahahah, you'd be an idiot if you thought that, because the reason the state's teen birth rates have been cut almost in half is that the program distributes reduced-cost or even free IUDs to low-income teens, so that when they do sex -- as teens do, no matter what you tell them at Bible study -- they do not get pregnant:

Nonetheless, right-wing Republicans balked at the idea of using public dollars to fund IUDs, suggesting that it amounts to subsidizing teenagers’ sex lives. Some opponents also claimed that IUDs are “abortifacients” that shouldn’t be paid for with government money. On Wednesday, a GOP-controlled Senate committee voted down a bill that would have appropriated $5 million toward the program.

Do we need to review the actual medical science about how contraception is not abortion because contraception prevents pregnancy and abortion terminates pregnancy, and those are two different things? Nah, you are not idiots, so you already understand that. Do we need to review the law that says that shouldn't even matter because abortion is LEGAL IN THIS COUNTRY? Nah, you already understand that too. Do we need to review the math that shows how much money it saves the state (that thing Republicans are always saying they care about) to reduce teen pregnancy rates? Sure, let's do that:

Standing behind green boxes symbolizing the “millions of dollars that can be shifted to new priorities because of the effects of the LARC program,” Corrine Rivera-Fowler, deputy director of the Colorado Organization for Latina Opportunity and Reproductive Rights, said, “[The Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment] estimates that the LARC program could save Colorado $49 million to $111 million in Medicaid dollars per year in birth-related costs.”

Supporters repeatedly pointed out that every dollar invested in low-cost contraception saves $5.85 in Medicaid costs.

We're not experts or anything, but spending $5 million to save up to $111 million seems like a pretty good deal for Colorado taxpayers, right? Eh, but who cares, those taxpayers would probably rather cough up the extra dough for Medicaid costs than see one shiny nickel go toward encouraging teens to fuck each other with reckless abandon, which is not what the program does, but again, eh, who cares. REPUBLICAN TALKING POINTS!

RH Reality Check adds, on a totally unrelated note, that the same genius Republicans in the Colorado Senate who want to save the taxpayers from footing the bill on contraception also introduced a bill to impose a 24-hour waiting period for abortion patients. Making abortion less accessible is another terrific way to not save the state money and not reduce teen birth rates. But hey, as long as it's preventing teens from having sex, even though it's not, it's worth it, right? At least according to Republican math.

[Think Progress / RH Reality Check]

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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