Texas Insurrectionist Jenna Ryan Maybe Not Smartest Life Coach In World

White Nonsense
Texas Insurrectionist Jenna Ryan Maybe Not Smartest Life Coach In World

Life-coach-slash-real-estate-agent-turned-insurrectionist Jenna Ryan was the subject of what NBC News described as a “freewheeling and at times combative" interview Monday on the "Today" show. Ryan flew on a private jet to the January 6 Trump-inspired siege on the Capitol. She's very white, like America's Test Kitchen's recipe for gumbo, so she doesn't comprehend that she broke a few laws when she breached the Capitol with a MAGA mob that shouted, “Hang Mike Pence!"

Ryan has asked Donald Trump for a pardon, and it's always possible he might slip her into the 200 or so corrupt ones he's pumping out during the final two days of our long, national nightmare. In the meantime, she should consider not speaking to the press, because she keeps unapologetically confessing to crimes.

RYAN: I have no guilt in my heart. My intention was not to have a riot. I did not want to have a riot. I was documenting what was going on in the environment I was in.

She's just an innocent woman caught up in circumstances beyond her control. However, the “Today" show helpfully included footage from Ryan's own social media where she stated, “If it comes down to war, guess what? I'm gonna be there." Maybe instead of an unruly riot, she expected a well-mannered war where refreshments were served. She also said (again on camera), “We're all gonna be up here. We're gonna be breaking those windows."

The accompanying NBC News article opens with some cutesy crap about how Ryan received an invitation on Facebook from a “very cute guy" to fly in his jet to the rally. "He was adorable," Ryan explained to NBC News. "And there was another adorable girl there, too, and they ended up getting together, darn it." Five people died that day, including a police officer.

Ryan said she feels “persecuted" even though she was politely arrested for her coup-related offenses without having her ass beaten. Black folks marched all summer for that kind of treatment, and the police just beat their asses some more. The “Today" show's Cynthia McFadden said, “You feel like a martyr?" with a “you've gotta be kidding me, lady" tone in her voice, but Ryan didn't take the hint.

RYAN: I do. I have the right to feel this way.

McFadden found it hard to believe Ryan's absurd claim that she was unaware of any violence going on while the mob treated the Capitol like that CVS in Baltimore Fox News mourned for weeks.

RYAN: I'm an honest person, and if I felt in danger, I would've been out of there.

Ryan was part of the mob. Her personal safety wasn't an issue. No one was shouting, “Hang the life coach." Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has described how she felt in serious danger when the mob invaded the Capitol, which Ryan just considers a fun romp.

RYAN: I'm glad I was there. Because I witnessed history. And I'll never get the chance to do that again ... No one will probably ever be able to go near [the Capitol] again.

McFadden tried to talk sense into Ryan regarding Trump's false accusations that the presidential election was “stolen," but Ryan said all the failed lawsuits and dismissed court cases don't “faze" her because no one has “heard" the non-existent evidence. It's possible Ryan doesn't understand how the United States legal system works.

This is one of Ryan's life coach memes, we guess.

Ryan recorded Blair Witch-style video of herself declaring that she was going to "storm the Capitol" and “fucking go in here — life or death, it doesn't matter," but she claimed her words were taken out of context.

RYAN: They may not sound like peaceful words, but I'm a very passionate woman. If you look up the term storm, you can storm in the kitchen.

That's apparently the best she can do.

RYAN: You can storm in and say, "'No more." I'm not storming in to kill people. What I meant, life or death, is if someone kills me, I will stand for my truth, even if someone kills me.

Yes, she's a regular Patrick Henry: "Give me liberty or ... please, God, give me a pardon. I won't do community service."

According to McFadden, Ryan believes God sent Donald Trump to save America, which we think in clinical terms means she's batshit. She still believes the election was stolen and she'll never vote again, so maybe Trump's malicious vanity has saved America.

[NBC News]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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