Texas 'Patriot' Couple Cops To Fighting Cops At Capitol Riots


Texan couple Mark and Jalise Middleton were arrested this week for having taken part in the January 6 Capitol riots, having been turned in by two acquaintances who saw their posts on Facebook about how they "fought" police officers while trying to break into the Capitol building.

It is, of course, understandable that the Middletons were under the impression that as white Republican "patriots" it was not only legal for them to physically assault the police, but that this was something they should definitely brag about on social media. After all, it's hardly as if they were a black child holding a toy gun.

Via Department of Justice:

Your affiant reviewed BWC footage depicting the assault. As seen in the BWC footage, at approximately 2:09:28 pm, T.T., R.C., and other officers begin struggling against rioters who are refusing repeated orders to step back from the barricade and are attempting to breach the police line. As the struggle ensues, a male individual wearing a red, white, and blue "Trump" beanie hat, red and white scarf, gray or silver jacket, blue jeans, red and white "Nike" shoes, and gray backpack with a red logo on the back—later identified as Mark Middleton ("MMIDDLETON")— pushes against the barricades and the police line with his body. As officers repeatedly order MMIDDLETON and other rioters to "get back," MMIDDLETON is heard yelling "fuck you!" as he continues pushing against the barricade.
MMIDDLETON struggles against the officers for more than thirty seconds. At approximately 2:10:04 pm, MMIDDLETON grabs onto T.T.'s left hand or wrist and appears to pull T.T.'s body forward, as MMIDDLETON reaches his other arm across the barricade toward T.T.

At the same time, a female individual wearing a red, white, and blue "Trump 2020" beanie hat, red, white, and blue scarf, gray jacket, red shirt, and gold ring with what appears to be diamonds—later identified as Jalise Middleton ("JMIDDLETON")—repeatedly grabs and strikes T.T. over the barricade with her hand.

When R.C. tries to defend T.T. from MMIDDLETON and JMIDDLETON, JMIDDLETON strikes R.C. in the arm.
MMIDDLETON and JMIDDLETON continue grappling with and striking T.T. and R.C. as various flags are jabbed toward the officers' faces.

Charming people, truly.

On Facebook, Jalise Middleton openly bragged about their exploits, about hitting cops and breaking windows, which she clearly thought were perfectly fine things to do. Because "Patriots don't stoop low like Antifa."

January 6, 2021, at 15:35 hours: "We fought the cops to get in the Capital and got pepper sprayed and beat but by gosh the patriots got in!" [...]

January 6, 2021, at 15:51 hours: [in response to the question "Why did they fight the cops?"] "To get in the Capital to send them bastards a clear message that this won't be tolerated"

January 6, 2021, at 17:53 hours: "Patriots busted through barrierers[sic] to get in Capital. Best I know, there was no "looting or rioting ". We just sent a warning that we are serious. They did break windows to get in, but we're not tearing anything up. It is simply a notification that we can get to you, we mean business, do what's right! Patriots don't stoop low like Antifa"

You know, I am starting to think that — as insipid as I find the word "patriot" and the act of calling oneself a "patriot" — that we should consider doing it ourselves just to mess with these people. Because it would ruin the word for them and that would break their little hearts. Although we'd likely have a hard time committing to it because it sounds so embarrassing and the left isn't nearly as invested in making the right unhappy they are in "owning the libs." Mostly because we have better things to do.

The Middletons weren't the only Capitol rioters thwarted by their online social activity this week. Robert Chapman, 50, was arrested after a woman who rejected him on Bumble reported him to the Feds. Apparently he thought bragging about his criminal activity, and the fact that he did interviews with the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal after the riots would get this lady all hot and bothered, but no.

Look, I don't want to tell these people how to do crime or anything, but there is something truly bizarre about the absolute brazenness with which they publicly confess to having committed crimes on social media or dating apps. I can't wrap my head around it. How do they not know that if you commit a crime, you keep your mouth shut about it at least until you can no longer be prosecuted? If they robbed a bank would they turn it into an Instagram story? If they killed someone would they make a Murder Pinterest Board? Are people actually this starved for attention or do they just have no sense at all?

It's probably the latter, because if these people had sense, they would not have been storming the Capitol, thinking that the response to that would be "Okay, we see how upset you are, Donald Trump can be President again," to begin with.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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