Texas Politicians Know The Cure For Winter Storms Is CULTURE WAR
Ted Cruz And Friends

Don't be a dick, people.

Don't mess with Texas, at least not today. Four million human beings woke up without power (again) this morning, and plenty of them didn't vote for a pack of crazed, anti-government libertarians who deliberately degraded the power system. And dunking on Ted Cruz and Texas's dipshit Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick is always appropriate, but can we save the HAWHAWS about southerners who can't drive in the snow for some future moment when hundreds of thousands of kids aren't facing another night in the frozen dark?

Let's leave the people of Texas alone and focus our ridicule on their feckless leaders with their pathetic boner for deregulation — they certainly provide a broad enough target.

Like John Cornyn, who woke up this morning and decided to pick a fight with Bill Gates of course.

People are freezing to death because of climate change, and this asshole wants to start shit with a philanthropist about what we can do as a rich country to slow down climate change. No wonder he didn't provide a link to the article.

Then there's Rep. Dan Crenshaw, whose latest tweet as of this writing is this word salad nonsense about "safe spaces" at a moment when large swathes of his state are LITERALLY UNSAFE.

Bummer about your frozen pipes, but, hey, maybe this culture war turducken will keep you warm. It's a culture war meme wrapped in a culture war meme stuffed inside another culture war meme!

Oh, sorry, you weren't paying attention to Bari Weiss's comments on some Star Wars actress's anti-semitic shitposting? Well, please refer to Pete Davidson to confirm Rep. Crenshaw's bona fides as The Real Victim™ here.

Ted Cruz, a walking Dril tweet, spent much of Presidents' Day trying to retcon his mistaking the Babylon Bee for a real news site into some kind of triple lutz axel own of the libs. In his defense, the site is extremely un-funny. But also, FFS, DUDE, DO YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO?

But the grand prize goes to Governor Greg Abbott.

Really? REALLY? Hundreds of thousands of this guy's constituents have no running water, and he's tweeting You Might Be a Redneck jokes?

"This flippant, juvenile 'Look at me I'm funny!' idiocy is what Texans have had to put up with from state Republican leaders for decades, to mask their terrible management," tweeted former Texas congressman Julián Castro. "Millions of Texans are still without power in freezing conditions, growing desperate. Do your job!"

Exactly. Hey, Texas, when this shit is over, can we maybe talk about your pigshit politicians?

But for now, stay safe and tell us what you need. We'll step up, even if your local representatives are too busy acting like assholes.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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