Texas Rep. Dan Crenshaw Thinks Guns, Like Hugs And Chlamydia, Are Better When You Share

Texas Rep. Dan Crenshaw Thinks Guns, Like Hugs And Chlamydia, Are Better When You Share

Conservatives like to remind us how great guns are for women -- far better than controlling their own bodies. We confess the only time we ever thought guns were cool was when young SER discovered Emma Peel on "The Avengers." During the fifth season's opening credits, Mrs. Peel used a gun to open a champagne bottle, which is incredibly reckless but very cool. She also literally combed her hair with a gun, which is flat-out crazy but sexy AF.

The Avengers Series 5 Opening Titles and Closing Credits www.youtube.com

Gun advocates promote the myth of guns as the great equalizer for women. They leap on any story about a woman fending off muggers or home invaders with her .45. This is supposed to distract us from the exponentially greater examples of guns maiming and killing women who own guns.

In the aftermath of his state's now biweekly mass shootings, Texas Rep. Dan Crenshaw shared a story on Twitter about a Houston woman who shot some asshole. Lachelle Hudgins was parked outside her house when two men tried to rob her.

"I couldn't do anything except scream. At one point, they told me to stop screaming, and he reached his hand inside my car," Hudgins explained.

Officials say she fired two rounds and the men ran away.

"It was all I had in my gun. I shot until I couldn't shoot anymore," Hudgins said.

A short time later, authorities received a call about a man found shot on the other side of the complex.

An actual, real congressman pushing this story is as reckless as Mrs. Peel's hair styling habits. This could've gone horribly wrong, and Hudgins would've been yet another gun casualty. We also don't think "I shot until I couldn't shoot anymore," while having a certain Popeye flair, are the words of a trained marksman. When did we give up on pepper spray and mace? If only those industries could afford to keep Wayne LaPierre in the manner to which he's become accustomed. But conservative rags like the Federalist get very upset if we don't applaud their version of feminist victories. Do liberals just want women to remain victims on that same plantation where they keep black voters?

Conservative gun humper pornGoogle

Men are twice as likely to own guns than women. The gun lobby would love to sell more death machines by playing to women's legitimate fears. They just forget to mention the drawbacks of female gun ownership. A California study showed that women gun owners died from gun violence at twice the rate as women who aren't packing heat. Also, Lachelle Hudgins is black and we all know how well carrying a gun works out for us during routine encounters with the police.

There was also something very strange about Crenshaw's tweet. He commented that the dreaded universal background check would prevent him from lending guns to his friends like he's running a public gun library. Texas law permits loaning and outright gifting guns to people as long as they are legally allowed to own them, which you'd have no way of knowing. "Scout's honor" is not an effective means of keeping guns out of the hands of unfit people. Texas law rightly doesn't allow Crenshaw's friends to borrow any unused prescription drugs he might have in the house. Texans also have a duty not to loan their car to an unlicensed driver. Guns aren't umbrellas. You can't just leave them in a tub by the door in case your guests need one. Voters elected this person.

Crenshaw has long opposed background checks. He claims that they wouldn't have prevented "Parkland, or Sutherland Springs, or the Thousand Oaks tragedy, or Sandy Hook." (No, he doesn't recognize the irony in his fervent support of restrictive anti-abortion laws.) This weekend's mass shooting in Texas put a crimp in Crenshaw's narrative. The shooter failed all kinds of background checks and still got his hands on an AR-type assault rifle. Crenshaw tried to sell this as "proof" that background checks just plain don't work, like Marianne Williamson's brain.

But federal background checks denied this week's Texas mass shooter a gun. It worked as it should, like Elizabeth Warren's brain. Unfortunately, background checks for private sales aren't required in Texas. Yes, we know that's dumb, but NRA-owned politicians like Crenshaw won't even support legislation that closes the loophole. Instead, they resort to the most desperate excuses and narratives for maintaining the lethal status quo. It wouldn't surprise us if Crenshaw complains that universal background checks won't let him hand out .45-caliber treats on Halloween.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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