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Wonkette Exclusive, Must Cite!!!!  Hot off the Facebook page of awesome Texas Rep. Dawnna Dukes, some all-new derpery to come out of the debate on Texas Senate Bill 5, the Mississippi-style abortion restrictions bill that would close almost all abortion clinics in the state. More to the point, it's the bill that has already given us our newest nominees for both the coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award, Rep. Jodie "get cleaned out" Laubenberg, and Legislative Badass of the Year Award, Sen. Wendy "I will filibuster this shit so hard" Davis. The brilliance this time comes from state Sen. Bob Deuell (R-So SMRT), whose legislative website says he is "a board-certified family physician." According to the Facebook post by his colleague Rep. Dukes, Sen. Deuell (who is now one of the R's in the Texas Senate trying to interrupt Sen. Davis's filibuster) had this insight during the debate:


Another ah ha moment in the senate during SB5, Sen. Duel [sic] said pregnancy only occurs after "accurate intercourse". But of course, any other is I assume inaccurate. Hmmmm!

Accurate intercourse? Yep, your guess is as good as ours.

While we cannot be certain -- because we happen to have at least two solid brain cells to rub together, which is at least three more brain cells than Sen. Deuell possesses -- we imagine that accurate intercourse must be a kissing cousin of that old standard, legitimate rape, during which magic ladyparts shut that whole thing down. In cases of inaccurate sex, you must wear the sex dunce cap and repeat the course in sex ed summer school with Professor Louie "Check out that hot caribou sex" Gohmert, and boy does that suck.

While this sounds cold stone stupid to the at-least-three-brain-cells-havers among us, it's exactly that kind of talk that could take Duell all the way to the U.S. House, where, if he can download a medical degree from dumbshitobgyns.com, he just might get an engraved invitation to join the GOP Doctors Caucus, where he and his no-idea-how-sex-works ideas will have plenty of company.

Or maybe he could, you know, just accurately intercourse himself.

[Facebook via Wonkette Operative "J.A."]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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Hey, remember that hilarious time when Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy got caught on tape joking that LOL, Donald Trump and Congressman Dana Rohrabacher were totally on Putin's payroll? WaPo got the goods:

"There's two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump," McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy's assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

It's funny 'cause it's true! ALLEGEDLY. Earlier this month, Congressman Lubyanka Rohrabacher told Fox reporter Elex Michaelson that DNC hack was obviously an inside job.

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