Texas Will Have To Pry The Dildos Out Of These Kids' Cold, Dead Wherevers
Among the dumb new gun laws Texas recently enacted is a provision allowing students and faculty to carry concealed weapons on university and college campuses, as long as they have a CCW permit. While gun-humpers are ecstatic over how Texas campuses will now be the safest places possible (after their own bunkers, of course), not everyone loves the new law, like the University of Texas-Austin economics professor who resigned to go teach in less shooty places like England and Australia. Happily, some students at UT-Austin have come up with an inventive plan to A) protest the campus carry law, and B) be goofy for the hell of it: They're planning to openly carry dildos around campus starting on the first day of classes under the new law, in August 2016, to point out that Texas now has stricter legal limits on the display of sex toys than on the carrying of deadly weapons.
As the event's Facebook page notes,
The State of Texas has decided that it is not at all obnoxious to allow deadly concealed weapons in classrooms, however it DOES have strict rules about free sexual expression, to protect your innocence. You would receive a citation for taking a DILDO to class before you would get in trouble for taking a gun to class. Heaven forbid the penis.
Organizer Jessica Jin, a recent UT-Austin grad, cites the Texas Penal Code (snicker!), which specifies that display of obscene material in public is a Class C misdemeanor, and notes that this bit of civil disobedience is not without potential legal consequences for anyone strapping a dildo onto their backpack:
Participate at your own risk. But can you imagine the gongshow that would be UTPD/APD trying to chase down thousands of students wielding harmless dildos around campus?
Since she has nearly a year to prepare, Jin's also hoping to collect donations to buy big ol' artificial dongs for those who want a dildo but have no dildo. The event has caught the internet's attention, possibly through Jin's aggressively mounting, as it were, a press blitz and through hitting on the right hashtag for the Tweeter machine: #cocksnotglocks.
The Austin Chronicle says Ms. Jin describes herself in a press release as "the typical millennial with too much access to information, too strong of a sense of morality, and too dry of a sense of humor.” The idea for an open-carry dildo display came to her, she says, while:
[She was] sitting in traffic, listening to the news about the multiple recent school shootings, including the shooting on October 9 at Texas Southern University. Hearing people “trying to explain away, or make excuses for this repeated pattern of violence,” Jin thought to herself, “Man, these people are such dildos.”
And why not? As Jin explained to the Chronicle:
“Firstly, it is just plain funny. A campus bobbing with dildos is the stuff of every prankster’s dreams.” But it’s also deeper than that; Jin added that the dildo shows the absurdity of “what our society does and does not consider ‘obscene.’” In the Facebook group’s description, Jin writes that dildos are “just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational play.”
We wish Ms. Jin and her fellow merry pranksters the best of luck with their efforts; the bumper stickers alone should be epic. "If Dildos Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Dildos," "Dildos Don't Kill People," "Keep Honking, I'm Re-Lubing," and of course, "MOLON LABIA," from the original Greek, meaning "Cum and take it.")
Who knows? Maybe they can enlist Ashley Castaneda, the Waco lady who was arrested with a pistol hidden in her vajayjay, to help with publicity. If Bristol Palin can lecture on abstinence, surely Ms. Castaneda can explain how her life would have been better if she'd had a dildo up there instead of a .22 automatic.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.