Oh good, the arsonist has returned to the fire, and he's brought more gasoline. Why? Because fuck your Friday.

Spoiler, he's so very mad.


President Trump Holds a News Conference www.youtube.com

He's late, of course. Updates start when he decides to emerge and ruin our day!

2:31: Oh, he was busy on Twitter, trying to walk back his vile fucking tweets without actually apologizing for them, by pretending "looting leads to shooting" is just a common non-racist thing people say. Looty Shooty Fresh 'n' Fruity!

Bullshit.

2:46: LoserWhines McRacismFarts is now 46 minutes late, so here is the next president, whose victory in November will actually be legitimate. His message today is better.

Joe Biden addresses the unfolding situation in Minneapolis | USA TODAY www.youtube.com

2:49: Oh thank heavens, the Whiner-In-Chief is finally here. The ostensible reason for today's presser was so Trump could talk about 'GIIIIIIIIINA, because when is it not a good time for Trump to tank the stock market?

He has already mangled the word "industry," because he doesn't know how to say that word.

2:51: He said "Wuhan virus," DRIIIIIIIINK.

2:52: You know, a real president, even if they wanted to talk about 'GIIIIIIIIINA, would have led off with talk about Minneapolis and the Floyd murder. Or maybe said something about 100,000 dead from coronavirus.

Oh shit, and now Trump is changing the subject by saying America is "terminating" its relationship with the World Health Organization, fucking hell.

2:54: Trump just pronounced "Hong Kong" really weird, twice. Drink! Twice!

(He says it like "Hung Kung." Oh shit he just said it wrong a third time.)

2:56: And he is announcing new plans to ... treat HUNG KUNG like shit, because reasons?

2:58: And he just walked away without taking questions, and without mentioning the Floyd murder.

Fuck him so hard, please click the buttons below to donate money to Wonkette to pay us a bonus for sitting here waiting for this shit for an hour. Goodbye.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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