That Time Trump Believed The DNC Was Going To Murder Joe Biden, Carrie-Style, At Prom!

2020 presidential election
That Time Trump Believed The DNC Was Going To Murder Joe Biden, Carrie-Style, At Prom!

Donald Trump is a deeply stupid man. Donald Trump is a deeply stupid man and he believes every nutter conspiracy that comes down the pike. Right this second, he probably thinks he's Q, and that Hillary Clinton is a haunted carnival owner in a baby skin Scooby Doo mask.

So when the long disgraced and long former Clintonite Dick Morris told Trump the shiny conspiracy he had pulled from his own bottom, that Democrats were going to replace Joe Biden at the Democratic National Convention if Biden were poised to become the 2020 Democratic nominee, Trump huffed, and he wailed, and he thought very hard, and he made what would be in hindsight a typically stupid decision. See, he wanted to run against Joe Biden, a man he greatly underestimated because he bought the Fox News "senile" spin. Especially since the Democratic National Committee was about to knock a bucket of pigs' blood on Joe Biden at its own convention! (To be clear, he was also scared shitless of Joe Biden, and we know this by how he spent over a year trying to get Ukraine to fancy up some dirty dirt on Biden to help take him out. But he was ALSO scared of who they'd replace Biden with, in this fantastical conspiracy theory he had latched onto. So many things to be scared of!)

And so he directed his idiot staff to hold fire so Biden wouldn't get knocked out too soon — not until the DNC did his pigs' blood work for him, as Democrats are always doing like that.

Vanity Fair: "The president, meanwhile, had often complained that his early attack on [Elizabeth] Warren had damaged her presidential bid, which he regretted because he viewed her as an easier opponent than Biden," [Wall Street Journal reporter Michael] Bender writes. "Now he worried that a heavy blitz of attack ads would hasten the secret plot being hatched by Democrats, and his mind raced with who they might select in Biden's place." During a meeting held the month after the coronavirus outbreak hit the U.S., Trump expressed his Biden replacement theory to advisers, saying that Democratic leadership would "realize [Biden is] old, and they're going to give it to somebody else. They're going to give it to Hillary, or they're going to give it to Michelle Obama."

The first thing you'll note is this is some dumb fake bullshit, because you are not fucking dumb. Everyone (not everyone, you know what I mean) was mad at Hillary by 2020, and Michelle Obama couldn't have said, more times, out loud, with her mouth, that she didn't want it.

But if you are your Wonkette, your mind immediately jumped in Obama's husband's time machine, whoosh wavy lines whoosh, we have history to see! Because back in 2017, former DNC chair Donna Brazile wrote that she had actually contemplated such an action — except in that case, she had wanted to singlehandedly, with no care for democracy, replace Hillary Clinton with Old Handsome Joe.

In 2017, Brazile explained that she had found a CANCER in the Democratic Party, and it had KEPT BERNIE SANDERS from the nomination. (It hadn't. It was a joint fundraising agreement with the exact same nominee oversight of the party's structure that Brazile herself had had when she ran Al Gore's campaign. See that excellent link above!) And then, in practically the same breath, Brazile wrote blithely in her memoir about her desire to replace Hillary Clinton as the Democratic nominee.

At the time, Hillary Clinton was suffering from pneumonia -- or, as the rightwing media insisted, cerebral palsy, Parkinson's, mental retardation, uranium poisoning, and death. And Brazile was getting some calls from people about replacing Clinton as nominee if she were "incapacitated."

Former Democratic National Committee head Donna Brazile writes in a new book that she seriously contemplated replacing Hillary Clinton as the party's 2016 presidential nominee with then-Vice President Biden in the aftermath of Clinton's fainting spell, in part because Clinton's campaign was "anemic" and had taken on "the odor of failure." [...]

Brazile writes that she considered a dozen combinations to replace the nominees and settled on Biden and Sen. Cory Booker (N.J.), the duo she felt most certain would win over enough working-class voters to defeat Republican Donald Trump. But then, she writes, "I thought of Hillary, and all the women in the country who were so proud of and excited about her. I could not do this to them."

Did Donna Brazile consider replacing Clinton — if Clinton were truly "incapacitated" or even if she just ran an "anemic" campaign — with Bernie Sanders, who had run second in the 2016 primary? No, not at all. She was just cold going to replace Clinton with Joe Biden, who had opted out of running after his son Beau's death, based on her feelings.

To date, a presidential nominee has never been replaced by his or her party in US politics. But Brazile's 2016 Good Times Fuckaround Jamboree had clearly planted a germ in Dick Morris's filthy ear. If Brazile had vaguely ideated on replacing Hillary with Biden, couldn't 2020 DNC chair Tom Perez make like a common untrustworthy Clintonite and simply parachute his friend Hillary Clinton onto Joe Biden's throne?

Sure, fuck it, why not, as long as we're just making shit up.

And that is why we may have Donna Brazile and Dick Morris to thank in part for Joe Biden's 2020 beating Donald Trump like a toddler in Walmart. Trump held fire on Biden because he thought ... well, however his brain works, there was "strategy" in there, and it came from Dick Morris and Donna Brazile.

Alas, there was no bucket of pigs' blood poured on Joe Biden at Democrat Prom, and Donald Trump had to return to his Florida trash castle and try to win office the old-fashioned way: inciting a coup.

[Vanity Fair]

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