OH HELL YEAH, HASAN MINHAJ, SAY IT TO JARED'S STUPID FACE!
Three cheers for Hasan Minhaj, a comedian we are about to have to follow on Twitter RIGHT NOW.
Minhaj, a former "Daily Show" correspondent who has his own Netflix show called "Patriot Act," was one of this year's Time 100 honorees. Another honoree was Saudi Arabian activist Loujain al-Hathloul, who is currently sitting in a Saudi prison as a thank you from the kingdom for her women's rights activism, such as fighting for women's right to drive, which is a thing Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman supposedly deserves a pat on the back for.
And so it was that Minhaj, a first generation American who came from a North Indian Muslim family, was asked to give a toast at last night's Time 100 gala. Hey, remember how JARED KUSHNER, who is so close to Saudi Murder Prince MBS that they have "between us girls" convos on WhatsApp, was interviewed yesterday at the Time 100? Remember how he said some bullshit about how the Russian campaign to illegally install his father-in-law in the presidency was nothing more than a "couple of Facebook ads"? Remember how every patriotic American wanted to slap him in his fucking face after he said that, since his father-in-law's administration is a slap in the face to the entire US Constitution and all our institutions and also every American personally?
Yeah well anyway, Jared was at the Time 100 gala too. And Hasan Minhaj knew it. So he decided to use his toast to make a point about Loujain al-Hathloul, and how she is in a Saudi prison, and how it was just TOO BAD there weren't any high ranking American officials in the room who just happened to be stream-crossing buddies with the murder prince who put her in prison in the first place who might be able to help get her out. Because if there were somebody sitting in that room RIGHT NOW with an ill-begotten security clearance, who had the ability to talk to MBS on WhatsApp RIGHT FUCKING THEN, because that's a thing they totally do ... oh wait, there was somebody in the room who fit that exact description? Somebody who participates in all the Trump administration's decisions to ignore MBS's crimes, including jailing dissidents and bonesawing Washington Post journalists to death in Saudi embassies in Istanbul? THAT GUY WAS THERE?
Here is the video. Afterward we are going to print most of the transcript for you, because it is that fucking awesome.
[Y]eah, I have a Netflix show, just plugging it, just a quick little humble brag. [...] I know why I'm here. We did an episode from Saudi Arabia, if anyone from the kingdom is here, hey, I'm sorry. But yeah, yeah, yeah, after the murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi, I came in, I had a super hot take, I was like "Murder's bad," and then the kingdom didn't like it, they pulled the episode, they banned me from The Mecca, not Madison Square Garden, there's a place called The Mecca, it's Muslim, you know what it is. So I can't do that anymore. [...]
But I'm very lucky, I'm very lucky that I get to be here in America and I can make jokes about very powerful leaders, and I have the safety of being here in America. We have a lot of incredible rights here in America and safeties that we take for granted oftentimes. And there are people on the front lines that cannot be here, like Loujain Al-Hathloul, who is a Saudi activist who helped fight to lift the women's driving ban, and she is currently in prison. She cannot be with us here tonight. She has been tortured. And a lot of times as comedians we get a lot of credit. People come up to us and they go, "Thank you so much for pointing a light on that issue," but that's all we're doing, we're pointing. And I just want to say thank you to Loujain for being the light.
This is a very — this is a very powerful room, and you know, I know there's a lot of very powerful people here. It would be crazy if — I don't know, if there was just like a — I don't know, like, if there was a high-ranking official in the White House that could WhatsApp MBS and say, "Hey, maybe you could help that person get out of prison because they don't deserve it," but that would be crazy. That would be — that person would have to be in the room, but that's just a good comedy premise.
Not only is it a good comedy premise, THAT SNIVELING MOTHERFUCKER WAS LITERALLY IN THE ROOM.
After the show, Minhaj said he was dead serious. Hey Jared, for real, get out your WhatsApp. We know you have it. The intel community doesn't call you "Mindblowing Fuckin' Security Risk Jared" for no reason! (Allegedly.)
So yeah, Hasan, you fucking kick ass, and thank you on behalf of all good Americans and all good Saudi Arabians, none of whom are Jared or his cuddle buddy the murder prince.
Too bad Jared doesn't have a soul and is probably not planning on doing anything about it. That would be silly! Jared and Trump don't ask Bonesaw to do stuff, Bonesaw tells them what to do.
Anyway, open thread, have one.
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