GOOD MORNING VIRGINIA!!!! Well done Old Dominion! Thank you for showing up to knock the snot out of that racist dickbag Ed Gillespie. Nine point margin, Wonkers! Guess old Ed will have to save these birthday balloons for his ACTUAL BIRTHDAY in August, by which time he'll doubtless be waggling his waddle on Fox News.

Girl, BYE! Even the Old Dotard has already moved on to I DON'T KNOW HER!!!

Which is odd because we're pretty sure that those MS-13 IS COMING FOR THE WIMMENZ ads were exactly what Trump stands for. In fact, all of last night was a referendum on how much this country doesn't want to embrace your bloated orange carcass. But, whatevs! We're not here for conservative tears, because unlike Republicans WE ACTUALLY WANT TO MAKE SHIT BETTER.

Well, okay. We'll make an exception for this one particular teary asshole.

Interesting fact that you just pulled out of your ass there, Jerry. Especially since DC wasn't founded until 1790.

BUT WE DIGRESS. Democrats swept all three statewide offices in Virginia, with Northam as Governor, Justin Fairfax taking the Lieutenant Governor's spot and Mark Herring winning reelection as Attorney General. And as of this writing, Democrats had already flipped 14 seats in the Virginia House of Delegates -- Republicans had been one seat shy of a supermajority -- and were within spitting distance of taking the lege! Which is a HOLY FUCKBALLS TSUNAMI!

So, like, what the hell happened here? Can we do this again next November? Well ...

Governor's Race: Virginia Is a Blue State that REALLY Disliked Hillary

Okay, we are NOT here to relitigate 2016, because that shit is DONE. But we are going to rip some graphics from CNN and talk about the difference between 2016 and 2017.

First of all, Democrats in 2017 SHOWED UP.

[gallery columns="2" size="large" ids="625498,625499"]

With minimal crossover voting both this year and last, it all came down to turnout. We got 225,000 more people to the polls, and we won. It ain't rocket science.

But look at the gains Northam made with women voters.

[gallery columns="2" size="large" ids="625497,625496"]

Trump had a nine point advantage with men, but Northam closed the gap to 2%. Similarly, the 5% of women who vote third-party in 2016 weren't taking any chances this time, giving Northam a 61-39% lead over Gillespie with lady voters. Thank you, ma'ams!

And check this out.

[gallery columns="2" size="large" ids="625495,625494"]

Northam got at least a 5% bump with everyone below Medicare age, including a double-digit increase with millennials.

And just one more graphic.

[gallery columns="2" size="large" ids="625500,625501"]

In several conservative suburban areas, Northam outperformed Clinton by about 5%. But Virginia Beach went from +3.6% Republican to -5.3%, almost a 9% swing. Hmmmmm. Could it possibly have had something to do with this bullshit?

Maybe our GREAT VETS don't like it when Donny Bonespurs uses them as a prop to criticize an IRL veteran who served eight years? Nah, it's prolly because Gillespie didn't sufficiently embrace Trumpism. But he tried hard!

Okay, enough about Ralph Northam. Let's talk about the rest of Virginia.

House of Delegates: Still Too Close To Call

HO. LEE. SHIT. Dems flipped 14 seats and counting as of this writing. They need 16 to tie, 17 to win it outright. Virginia's state Assembly draws the voting districts, which is why it has 66 out of 100 seats today in what is clearly becoming a blue state. And despite the rampant gerrymandering, Democrats still cleaned up tonight. There are still a handful of seats headed for a likely recount, so we may not know for a while who ends up controlling the Virginia House. If Democrats win, they can start un-fucking the state's electoral maps. But even if they don't, this is an earthquake.

Danica Roem: First Openly Transgender Politician in an American Statehouse

We were raised right, which is to say we don't think it's anyone's business what bits Mrs. Roem was born with. But since it's 2017 and we're still debating these stupid fucking bathroom bills, let's celebrate that this wonderful trans lady went about her business talking about traffic patterns (really) and people eventually got over their shit and just voted for the better candidate. And double nicetimes because her opponent is SUCH A RAGING ASSHOLE, and she cleaned his clock. Longtime incumbent Robert Marshall lost by nine points after a campaign where he referred to Roem by male pronouns, refused to debate her, and introduced one of those goddamn bathroom bills. Good fucking riddance!

Hala Ayala and Elizabeth Guzman: First Two Hispanic Women Elected To Virginia House

Knocking out two Republican incumbents, Ayala and Guzman will make history as the first Latinas in Virginia's House. Which seems as good a reason as any to use this classy blingee Robyn made for us in the Seekrit Chat Cave. Because right now, we could not love Virginia any more.

Lee Carter: First Democratic Socialist Elected to Virginia House

Hey, Rose Twitter! There's even something here for you to love.

Democratic Socialist Lee Carter beat Republican Jackson Miller, the sitting Majority Whip! How toxic is your party if your House Leadership loses to a socialist? On a scale of 1 to 10 you are fucking anthrax!!!

And now we are overcome from the Nicetimes! Also, too, the exhaustion. It was a great night, and LIBERALS ARE STILL ALIVE AND WELL. We are the majority, it's our country, too, and we're taking it back.

[CNN, 2017 / CNN, 2016]

Look at all the Nicetimes we brought you! Please donate to keep the lights on at Your Wonkette. Maybe we'll find some more Nicetimes tomorrow!

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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