The 568,769 Grossest Things Putin's Bestest American Fluffers Have Said The Past 24 Hours

How about a little mini roundup, why the hell not?

Steve Bannon And Erik Prince!

Here's Bannon and Prince, Betsy DeVos's sadistic Aryan little brother, who is probably just pissed Putin isn't letting him personally swing his mercenary dick all over Ukraine right now. Got any Putin back-channels going these days, Erik?

Bannon and Prince agree Russia is good and Ukraine is bad because Putin isn't "woke" and in Russia everybody knows which bathroom to use. Maybe they are relieved Russia doesn't have those gender-neutral bathrooms like they have in posh restaurants these days, where there's a bunch of sinks in the front and private toilet rooms that anybody can use. Those are scary!

Newsweek has some transcript:

“Putin ain’t woke. He is anti-woke,” Bannon said to private military contractor Erik Prince during the Wednesday broadcast of War Room.

“The Russian people still know which bathroom to use,” Prince replied. “They know how many, how many genders are there in Russia?” Bannon asked. “Two,” Prince answered. “They don’t have the flags, they don’t have the Pride flags,” Bannon continued. “They don’t have boys swimming in girls’ college swim meets,” Prince responded.

Thanks for being so open about what frightens you, gentlemen.

Now pass the sharing stick to Matt Schlapp.

Steve Bannon and Matt Schlapp!

Did you hear CPAC is starting right now? That's OK, nobody else did either.

But CPAC chair Matt Schlapp went on Steve Bannon's podcast to say Vladimir Putin is so stupid that he attacks Ukraine based on easily debunked rightwing talking point propaganda about the US military and the American president:

“What does America stand for? What is America’s foreign policy and we have a commander in chief who is clearly senile, addled, not up to the job. We have sent so many confusing messages.

“But the idea that we have been kicking people out of the Marine Corps for not taking a vaccine at the – and we’re having General Milley and others saying our number one goal is to combat climate change and to end white rage.

“If you’re Vladimir Putin or you’re Xi, you can hear that. You know what that message is. That message is we’re not focused on our national security or keeping order around the globe.

“We’re focused on some kind of a community kumbaya project and it’s very dangerous and these are the consequences.”

Wow, Vladimir! You see how stupid Matt Schlapp just called you? He thinks you're stupid enough to think Joe Biden is senile and that the only things the US military cares about these days are climate change and white supremacy. He's saying Putin is Marjorie-Taylor-Greene-grade stupid.

Putin is a lot of things, but we don't think he's that dumb.

Move over, little boys, time for a CPAC speakerwho really knows how to read Putin's scripts.

'Tulsi Tulsi Tulsi Tulsi Can't You See? Иногда твои слова меня просто гипнотизируют.' — Vladimir Putin


This is the new "deeply held religious beliefs," like when religious-Right bigots want the freedom to deny cake or housing to LGBTQ+ people. Poor Putin, he has LEGITIMATE SECURITY CONCERNS!

Fuck you Tulsi Gabbard, there are already two NATO countries on Putin's border. This tweet is literally the equivalent of "Look what you made him do." Ain't nobody in NATO want to invade Putin's frozen Siberian backwater.

If you want to read a full post about Tulsi Gabbard and also Michael Flynn, hit this link.

You Want Tucker? Fine, Have Him.

TUCKER CARLSON (HOST): If you subvert the meaning of a word as fundamental as "democracy," maybe you can tamper with the way we live here in the United States, just spitballing for a second. So Ukraine, to be technical, is not a democracy. Democracies don't arrest political opponents and they don't shut down opposition media, both of which Ukraine has done. And by the way, Ukraine is a pure client state of the United States State Department — again, that's fine. We are not mad about that, go ahead and run Ukraine if you want if you think you can do a better job than Ukraine is, just don't tell us it's democracy.

Cool. It's like the same five lies every night. Why write new shows when you can just do old shows again?

Partial credit, we guess, because we think "pure client state of the United States State Department" is a new lie.

Wow, this post could last forever. Or we could just cut it off right now because fuck it.

Unless you want to see that Fox News is actually bragging that Jesse Watters said this:

"Europe's fight." Where have we heard that bef- oh that's right.


[Newsweek / Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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