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"The Ashcroft Group": Suckier Than the Blue Man Group?

ashcroftgroup.jpgAww, come on. We've spent weeks now explaining that we actually like lobbyists, and we're trying to get everyone else to see that they're totally fun to hang out with, and often charming and lovely.


And we woulda gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for John Ashcroft. Mr. Ashcroft comes across as the slimiest, most opportunistic, and greedy sonuvabitch you ever laid eyes on in his utterly non-charming and decidedly unlovely profile in today's Times.

So after having a salary that topped out at $175,700 as attorney general, Mr. Ashcroft is running his firm and hitting the speakers' circuit, speaking nearly once a week for a $75,000 fee. In addition, Mr. Ashcroft has been given equity stakes in private companies that have hired him, betting on a future gain should they go public. The firm did not disclose the companies.
[...]
Mr. Ashcroft declined to identify his other clients except to say, "It's not Billy Bob's car wash in Peoria."
[...]
"I've been stunned at how good people have been to me," he said. "And that kindness has been reflected in business opportunities. It's been gratifying, and I'm earning significant multiples of what I've ever earned before."



Oh, we're thrilled for you. Really, we are.

You motherfucker.

We're adding you to the swift-punch-in-the-mug list.

Same Washington, Different Office [NYT]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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