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  • General Petraeus is on the scene in Afghanistan -- and by "Afghanistan" we mean "the Sunday morning political talk shows, in America" -- to announce his intention to just stone cold win this war for you, whether you like it or not. "The president didn't send me over here to seek a graceful exit," Petraeus said, as he made his plans for a bloody, desperate exit midway through President Palin's first term. In order to achieve these goals, he's bringing in all the folks who helped him out in Iraq, including some dude from the American Enterprise Institute. [NYT]
  • Mike Huckabee has jumped out to an early lead in Iowa caucus polling! You will recall that Mike Huckabee won the Iowa caucuses in 2008, which catapulted him into his current job as a Fox talk show host, so this is good news ... for Mike Huckabee. [WP]
  • The Rod Blagojevich jury simply cannot decide how big a hero the ex-governor of Illinois is, or how big a reward to give him for his faithful service to America. [AP]
  • Tits or GTFO, Mr. President. [NYT]
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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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