Donate

The Devil Can Legally Turn You Into 'The Little Mermaid' On Halloween, Says 'Former Satanist'

popular

I don't know if you are all aware of this, but it is still Halloween. When Halloween is in the middle of the week, both Halloween-adjacent weekends are also Halloween. You don't have to dress up, but you can if you want, or you can adopt a casual Halloween lewk and just wear regular clothes you have that still kind of look like a costume of some kind (as I did last night with my TARDIS dress and blue lipstick). I don't make the rules! (OK fine they are my rules, but we should all abide by them)

Anyway, because it is still legally Halloween, I thought we'd have a nice Halloween-themed open thread and meet this ridiculous guy I found on YouTube who claims to be a former Satanist. His name is John Ramirez and he's found Jesus now, natch, but previously he was a Satanist who did all of the terrible things that Good Christians who know literally nothing about actual Satanism believe Satanists do.

Like other "former Satanists" and "former witches," Ramirez is full of warnings for his new Christian comrades about the many ways they are secretly being Satanists and doing witchcraft themselves without even knowing it. One of those ways, of course, is by celebrating Halloween.


Let's learn!

Former Satanist Warns Christians about Celebrating Halloween youtu.be


In this video, Ramirez explains all about his past as a devil worshiping Satanist who had a demonic wedding on Halloween (the devil's holiday!), complete with animal sacrifices and blood sacrifices!

JEALOUS.

He then claims that when you dress up for Halloween, whether it's as an angel, The Little Mermaid or Casper the Friendly Ghost, "you give the devil the legal rights to change your identity," which actually sounds pretty awesome. If Satan wanted to turn me into the TARDIS, I don't think I'd mind much! I mean, I've always wanted to travel more.

He also explains that Halloween candy is also demonic, because the demonic people have prayed over the candy to make it demonic. I'm not sure if this happens in the factory or if the demonic people just swing by the CVS candy aisle and do their rituals there. If so, I have never noticed.

Halloween stores? Totally demonic, and they pay $30,000 a month to rent the store space and then don't turn a profit, and the reason they do this is so they can do demonic prayers on all the costumes, which then turn the children into demons. This is all very definitely real and true, and this guy is totally legit. Clearly. He definitely worshiped Satan, for real, and there is no way this is just some weird gimmick he thought up.

Anyway, I hope you all had a Happy Halloween Week Plus An Additional Weekend! This is now your open thread! Please to share many pictures of your pets in costumes.

[YouTube]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc