The Do's And Don'ts For Striking A Pose To Always Be Camera-Ready! Tabs, Thurs., Dec. 23, 2021

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Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

It's the Great Burn Off Your Vacation Days Week of Late December 2021, so don't expect a lot of POSTS, YOU, unless it is "here is a thing Rebecca saw on Twitter, with a headline and a pic," like in the ye olden days of Wonkette before I had staff, when I worked 80ish hours a week and started drinking at noon and cried all the time. Although presumably SER wrote us seven posts yestertonight, or else one. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Oh great Alexandra Petri made me cry again like she did that time with the Hillary Clinton white witch one. Carpenter and Fiancee Hesitant to Bring Child Into Troubled World. (no paywall Washington Post)

"Guy didn’t understand it. He was wearing a bright-blue jacket, the largest jacket he owned, so that under it would be room for the Smith & Wesson pistol and the padding and the zip ties. Full-battle rattle, he called it. Guy intended to surveil the atmosphere for like-minded patriots and see if we have enough marching with heat. He would do the recon and then come back for weapons hot. Why stop now? He hadn’t driven 20 hours from Texas to D.C. to stop at the door." — A very very very good story about three Capitol Rioters, in New York mag.

Mmhmmmm:

“Thank you so much for doing everything you do,” said [Lauren] Windsor’s colleague. “I was there on the sixth, and thank you for fighting for all of us, man. Was there more we could’ve done?”

“Yeah, there’s a lot more,” [Congressman Louie] Gohmert replied. “But we need a lot more people doing it than just a handful of us.”

Mediaite

This, about how they're winning and we're losing and it's all going to be BAD, is not a happy post from the Rude Pundit, and the nude redfaced Manchin isn't even the worst of it. (Though nude redfaced Manchin doing "breath play" with our democracy is upsetting!) I also agree with it. Happy Christmas my loves!


A Message From Johns Hopkins.



A Warning From the CDC to all Hallmark Movie Protagonists Returning to Their Hometowns This Christmas:

Additionally, we want to remind you that rekindling a romance with your high school sweetheart is not a COVID-safe activity. The CDC recently compiled a list of your exes… for scientific reasons …and the data does not look good. Having never left their small hometown or experienced real oppression, 100% of these men now believe that mask mandates violate their civil liberties. They may own a Christmas tree farm, have impeccable stubble, and look amazing in plaid, but each of them has a BLUE LIVES MATTER flag hanging outside their adorable log cabin.

McSweeneys

The elf tiny homes at Santa's House are superduper cute. (Zillow)

I think the lady liked her llama present because it kicked her daughter in the head. I also think David Sedaris is getting meaner in his old age. Yelp Christmas Reviews, The New Yorker.

Here is a very mean review of To Paradise (Wonkette cut link), for which the critic does not seem to care, and it sounds (like a ripoff of Cloud Atlas and also) ... fuckin' great? (Harper's)

Inside the drive to make Dorothy Day a saint, oh yes oh yes please. — America, the Jesuit review

Okay but "how not to look constipated and weird in front of a camera like you are a Trump boy" is news I and probably you can use. — With My Ladies

I don't know how "Moroccan apricot chicken" gonna taste, but it smells like KILL ME OF HAPPINESS. (Don't got a pressure cooker? Who does! Cook it in "pan" on "stove.") (Better Homes & Gardens)

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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