Satan gave me a taco, and it made me really sick - WonketteLike the make-believe Gatorade terror plot and "Snakes on a Plane," the August 22 apocalypse scare fizzled so quickly that it's hard to even remember the awful panic that gripped the entire world mere hours ago.


Oh wait, the "entire world" couldn't give a damn. But several fear whores at various "Who do we bomb next?" publications did at least give it the old college try.

It's time for us to do the same.

If the word "is" can have so many interesting meanings, surely a loaded term like "apocalypse" is up for varied interpretations.

We've spent several minutes scouring the wires for evidence of a "soft apocalypse." Turns out it really did happen:

* There's a new theme restaurant in India, the AP reports today ... and the theme is Hitler! Proving there are Democrats everywhere, a student dining at the Nazi-rific eatery said it's no different than naming a shoe store "George W. Bush Footwear."

* The Centers for Disease Control announced Tuesday that the "genetic blueprints" for some 650 flu viruses are now available online to terrorists who can no longer pretend to blow up planes with Gatorade.

* Terrorists actually released live rattlesnakes in a Phoenix theater showing "Snakes on a Plane." Nobody was hurt, because nobody is paying money to see that movie.

* Existing home sales hit a 2-1/2-year low in the United States, while the number of unsold houses on the market hit a record high. This is actually horrifying. Excuse us, we have to call the real-estate lady about that "reduced price" idea.

-- KEN LAYNE

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