One month until she SEIZES POWER, by getting elected.


OH HEY SATURDAY WONKERS! It is Saturday morning, and you are probably VERY CONFUSED, because you think this is the top ten post, but you do not see any new Wonkette Baby pictures, so how can it be the top ten post? Well, Becca didn't send us any new ones. But maybe she has some and she will drop them in this post if you say PUH-LEEZE so many times? Until then, we will get by with the young Clintons and maybe some hot picture of Justin Trudeau or something. Also, I wrote this Friday afternoon before Donald Trump went all caveman, grabbing women by their pussy hairs, and so there are no stories about it! (I BET THERE WILL BE NEXT WEEK!) But yes, Top Ten! Let's count down stories! In a minute!

(Fine, here you go. - Shy)

Have a seat, right over there.

But first, like we said in the headline we are literally ONE MONTH, as in 31 days, from the election. Our long national nightmare of Trump just might be about to end! Wonkette would like to make it all the way through the election and many years after, so if you love us and couldn't imagine dealing with this election without us, won't you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? It is the easiest. You pull out your wallet and you give us money. OR you pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. OR you could just do one of our "ad-fewer" subscriptions, where you only see glorious in-house ads, from our actual friends, instead of gross-bad ads that take over your browser.

Here, while you decide which of those options is best for you, it is the traditional picture of Wonk Baby as a scary lion. You didn't think we were gonna deny you that one, did you?

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.

OW! Our face hurts from all the money you are giving us, but it hurts in the good way!

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. Y'all, Jill Stein is A Idiot.

2. Who sent the New York Times that Trump tax information? Does it rhyme with "Charla Staples"?

3. Y'all, Hillary Clinton is for real an actual good person.

4. NOBODY gives Donald Trump credit for not wanting to fuck Paris Hilton when she was 12 years old. NOBODY.

5. Hillary Clinton beated Donald Trump on his ass on the Twitter last week, and it was awesome.

6. Did you watch the big exciting vice presidential debate? Well you haven't really watched it if you haven't read Wonket's liveblog!

7. The Senate got SO mad at Barack Obama, for allowing them to override his veto on that dumbass bill they passed. THANKS OBAMA.

8. Y'all, seriously, WTF happened to Wikileaks? They used to BE SOMEBODY.

9. This awesome governor is such an asshole he won't pardon an actually innocent man. Which governor? Mike Pence.

10. Donald Trump is gonna SUE Hillary Clinton for all her mean ads that feature videotape of Donald Trump talking, with his mouth. NO FAIR!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories. They are very good stories!

(More DR Babby. - Shy)

He grabbed you WHERE?!?

OK, Wonkers, you have one task left, and it is an important one. You need to sign up for clean wind and/or solar from Arcadia Power. It takes three minutes and THERE IS A FREE VERSION. Why is it free? We don't know, maybe they want to bogart the market or something. If you pay the power bill at your house or apartment, you can use Arcadia Power, no matter which terrible PG&E services your hood. The EPA says it works, you will help stop climate change, and your Wonkette gets a small cut! Let's help you help us help the earth! (And us.)

Oh, and sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT NOW WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Sorry, we guess that was a second "task."

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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