The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says Liberals Bad, Kevin Costner Movie Good

In the penultimate edition of the Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, Sarah Palin is pretty sure she's being silenced by duh, who else, "the left." Also too, if you need a movie recommendation, Sarah would like to put in a good word for McFarland USA, an inspirational sports story about family, long-distance running, and benevolent white paternalism. Paired together, these two videos are no more incoherent than anything else Palin's done with her dumb fake television channel whut is on the Internet, so let's just get to the blockquoting.

Well in my lifetime, I've never seen a greater attack on free speech.

What!? Where!?

Too often we see people on the left attempting to silence those who disagree with them. Of course, they only want their voice to be the only voice [sic; always sic] that's heard. Sadly, all too many Americans are jumping on their bandwagon, kinda not knowing what else to do.

Yes, it's a grand conspiracy between "people on the left" and the sheeple who, perforce, refuse to wake up. You want evidence? Why, it's all around you. The examples are too numerous to mention, though one of them reportedly represents the single greatest attack on free speech in Sarah Palin's lifetime. Certainly, Palin will tell us which particular attack was so egregious as to warrant that HuffPo-headline of an opening sentence.

They're rejecting free speech whenever they get angry or have their feelings hurt.

Dammit, "they," you're killing us out here. Why are you thought-criming Sarah Palin's CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to free speech, "they?"

That's not democracy, and it's certainly not tolerance.

Getting shouted down by a big group of people who don't like your bigoted bullshit—and let's stop tip-toeing around here; Palin's evidence-free screed is about bigots being upset that they're being called bigots just because they're bigoted—is actually sort of the definition of democracy. Majoritarian rule isn't as much fun when you're not in the majority, huh Sarah?

So yeah, here's the whole video if you want to experience all the comfort of red-hot pokers through your retinas with none of the acrid stench of burning flesh.


In this week's second video, Sarah Palin tells us about how she loves running, and how there is a movie called "McFarland USA" with that wonderful Kevin Costner fellow, and Sarah just thinks everyone should watch it.

My love of running caused me to watch a movie recently, and it was about a cross-country team and a coach in a small California town. Ah, I love sports movies, and this one, McFarland USA, it's one of the best! Oh, I recommend it. This spirit-lifting all-American true story is about more than just running, it's also about how McFarland's Coach White positively affected the lives of his runners and his community and now the nation. [...]

If you haven't seen the film yet, check it out. You won't regret it.

Sure enough, McFarland USA gets a 79% freshness rating from Rotten Tomatoes, but sorry, no, we have a limited amount of time on this Earth, and we have already wasted too much of that time watching the Sarah Palin Channel. There's also some stuff in this video about how Palin's dad coached running, whatever, no one cares.


Next week, in the final installment of the Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, we'll probably go through her greatest hits, or maybe do actual journalism and compile statistics about, like, how many times she said "freedom" in an average, money-losing month's worth of Sarah Palin Channel content. Dunno what we'll do yet, but as Sarah is probably fond of saying, don't get your hopes up and you won't be disappointed, k?

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.

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