The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says Stop Trying To Make 'Hillary' Happen. It's Not Going To Happen.
The Sarah Palin Channel started Memorial Day weekend a bit early this year, publishing two videos in the last week with a combined run time of just three minutes 38 seconds. Both videos were clearly shot back-to-back, with Palin wearing the same clothing, in front of the same backdrop. You wish you thought of this idea, you wish you were as good at making money as Sarah Palin.
One of the videos is titled "Who Will Take On VA Reform?", and all of the commenters are like "YOU SARAH, OBVI." It's really boring and we're not going to cover it. Instead, let's observe Sarah Palin practice psychological warfare on Hillary Clinton, Wasilla High School style.
Well interesting news on the Hillary Clinton campaign front: her 2000 Senate campaign manager, he said he's not endorsing her, well, not yet anyway. That former campaign manager is none other than New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio.
"Hillary Clinton's friends don't even like her, you guys. She's a grody bee-yotch and everyone knows it." [twirls hair around finger while minions point and laugh at poor, awkward Hillary Clinton]
"Bill de Blasio can do so much better than Hillary Clinton, don't you think? He's on the basketball team. I bet lots of girls would go out with him. Why would he ever choose someone like you?" [scoffs, cocks hips to one side, stares at Clinton from underneath eyebrows]
She's vulnerable because she's ethically challenged. Well, she failed as Secretary of State, and her signature effort as First Lady was Hillarycare, remember? And that was a disaster. That, of course, was the equivalent, mmm, to Obamacare.
Here, Yr Wonket will pause to remind the audience that Hillarycare centered on an employer mandate to provide health insurance, while Congressional Republicans insisted upon an individual mandate, because Personal Responsibility. Some years later, Republicans would then go on to claim that an individual mandate was an unconstitutional affront to personal liberty, because We Can't Let The Black Guy Win.
The Republican Party was able to do this because they understand this country in a way that Wonkette's progressive scum do not. We digress...
She's held high office, but she's proven that just 'cause she's had a title, [buzzer noise], well, she still can't handle the challenge, making wrong decision after wrong decision.
Yr Wonket stands by that transcription. Check 1:03 of the video if you doubt us.
The Obama-Clinton foreign policy was an absolute disaster, our government actually backed the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, and gave Libya to jihadists who murdered our ambassador and three other brave Americans...
As of Wonkette Press Time/It's Quarter-Past Mai Tai Time On Memorial Day Weekend, the top two comments on this Sarah Palin Channel video were as follows.
Then Palin goes back to mocking Hillary Clinton, rubbing her face in the fact that super-tall, super-cute Bill DeBlasio is totally checking out other candidates, like, right in front of Hillary Clinton's grotsky face, you guys.
Palin: So Mayor Bill, he's smart to keep his options open.
[NBC Meet the Press clip]
de Blasio: ...no, not until I see, and again, I would say this about any candidate, 'til I see an actual vision of where they want to go...
Palin: He believes that Hillary is the wrong candidate at the wrong time, perhaps, along with a lot of other Americans.
Let's go, you guys, I don't want any of gross Hillary's gross, weird grossness getting on my new dress. It's Lily, do you guys like it?
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.
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