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Let's see, which warmed-over, 30-day-old story should we choose for this week's Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker?


Oooh, this one looks fun! It's a video about "maternity hotels," which are places in U.S. America where THE YELLOW MENACE comes to pop out their job-stealing anchor babbies. The Tundra Grifter is right to point out that this odious practice ought to be banned, and you'd think she'd be pleased to hear that President Nobummer raided 37 "maternity hotels" in California last month. Ha ha, the idea that Sarah Palin would give Barack Obama credit for doing what she said he should do, this is famous joke among Yr Wonket's people. Let's go to the tape!

These maternity hotels aren't necessarily against the law! [cuts to dickhead from the nativist Center for Immigration Studies complaining about "America's lax citizenship laws" from behind three chins] A Homeland Security special agent said it's not necessarily illegal to come here to have the baby, but if you lie about your reasons for coming here, that's visa fraud.

Sure is, Sarah! Good thing, then, that the Kenyan Usurper's jackbooted thugs are pursuing visa fraud charges against the operation's ringleaders, don't you think? Let's blockquote from the New York Times story linked above, since Palin appears not to have read it.

On Tuesday [Author's Note: That's Tuesday MORE THAN A MONTH AGO, because news still travels to Alaska via coastal paddle steamer], dozens of federal agents raided upscale apartment complexes — and the business owners’ homes — in Orange, Los Angeles and San Bernardino Counties, looking for documents, computer records and other evidence of tax and immigration fraud.

Well, sure, that's what they say, but can Sarah Palin really take the Obama Administration at its word? Of course she can't — if she did, she'd lose half of her total run-time for the week, and it might become apparent that she is running out of things to say. Can't have that.

So rather than admitting that Obama did the right thing, Palin goes on to detail allegations of other crimes in the "maternity hotel" industry — money laundering, marriage fraud, tax fraud — and then says, "obviously, they need to be stopped," seemingly unaware that in the case of these particular visa-fraud scammers, they have already been stopped. By Barack Obama. Who, according to Palin, is responsible for nothing but lawlessness and the inexorable decline of this once-great nation.

Then Palin starts talking about how great America is, and she includes a stock photo of a soldier, his young-looking wife, and a child in a cowboy hat who, we presume, was conceived within the confines of holy matrimony.

I'm proud that we've created a country that is so amazing that people will do almost anything to get here and to belong here. But no, we can't allow people to game the system, effectively jumping the immigration line to get ahead of those who do play by the rules. Without the rule of law, we won't remain the exceptional nation that so many people want to immigrate to.

Goddammit, Obama, when are you going to start ordering ICE to enforce the rule of law, the way Sarah Palin says you did but implies you didn't? Tune in next week when Governor Quitterface will tell the President to stop hitting himself.

Video below, hate-watching, etc.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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