The Glenn Beck Program Has Hilarious Video That Really Puts The Funny In Sexual Assault
Some days we watch videos like this one and think maybe the wingnuts are right when they claim that evolution is a lie. Because the people who put this thing together cannot possibly qualify as evolved, intelligent life forms. Seriously, the collective EEG readings for all the alleged humans who appear in this ode to idiocy must be flatter than a week-old glass of Tab.
For those of you who don’t do videos, let’s summarize it as quickly as possible and move onto more productive activities like jamming a spork through our eye directly into our cerebral cortex. The video stars someone named Stu Burguiere, who we’re guessing gets called in when Glenn Beck and his producers are worried that Steven Crowder might be too intellectual for their show’s audience. Stu wants to debunk a recent report from the Obama administration that one in five women is sexually assaulted during her college years. Does Stu present facts, figures, or evidence? Don’t be ridiculose!
What Stu does is a) conflate "actual rape" with other types of assaults the studies were also concerned with, such as physical abuse, stalking and psychological harassment, and b) attempt to dismiss the seriousness of sexual assault claims with some hacky jokes about how half the sex in the country doesn't happen unless people get drunk first. Or in the case of Stu’s sexual history, we’re betting 100% of it would never have happened without the aid of alcohol or at least of the horse being too lazy to kick him.
Stu then cherry-picks scenarios from two surveys the Obama administration relied on to reach that one-in-five statistic and has a radio DJ “rape expert” in a hoodie act them out by making dumb sexual propositions based on those scenarios to a giggling idiot in drag. It’s the equivalent of fighting a fire by spraying diet soda on a building next door to the one that is actually burning.
The whole video is really the perfect example of the wingnut mind at work: find a complicated concept that requires nuance and work to fully interpret and understand, get it all twisted up in your brain until you can’t stand it, then deal with your stupidity by saying “fuck it” and reducing the complicated issue to a series of flip and distorted observations presented in a douchey, sneering manner meant to convey your superior intelligence and the obvious idiocy of the opposing argument.
And people wonder why cable systems might be reluctant to carry The Blaze. Sorry, did we say people? We meant Louie Gohmert.