The Ministry Of Truth Has Decided The Following Pundits Are Unpersons
Boy howdy, those authoritarian Trump dicks sure are sowing their wild oats, now that they think they have been completely EXONERATED from all charges involved in the COLLUSION WITCH HOAX. What's that expression about getting way out in front of one's skis, which usually ends in hilarity for everybody who happens to be watching the person who has gotten way out in front of their skis?
On Monday, the Trump campaign -- not the White House, that would be un-American! -- sent out a memo to the media, informing them that the following pundits are guilty of saying "Russia" too much, and if that wasn't brazen enough for you, the list includes "pundits" who are actually United States senators and sitting congressmen!
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
As you know, Special Counsel Robert Mueller 's report found that no one associated with President Donald J. Trump's 2016 campaign colluded with Russia, despite repeated offers from Russia-linked operatives. The Special Counsel also made no recommendation on obstruction, which is a decision in itself. Using the information provided by Mueller, the Attorney General and Deputy Attorney General determined that there was no obstruction. This is all the result of the Special Counsel's 2,800 subpoenas, 500 search warrants, 500 witness interviews, 40 FBI agents, 19 lawyers, and $25 million in taxpayer funds. The only way to interpret these conclusions is as a total and complete vindication of President Trump.
You know, if you're a fucking moron.
Anyway, the list includes
- Senator Richard Blumenthal
- Rep. Adam Schiff
- Rep. Eric Swalwell
- Rep. Jerry Nadler
- DNC Chairman Tom Perez
- Former CIA Director John Brennan, whom Donald Trump really really really hates!
It's funny because Schiff and Nadler are the chairmen of the House Intelligence and Judiciary committees, respectively, and those committees just happen to be doing their own gigantic investigations into Donald Trump's criminality and also the question of if he's a literal actual foreign agent. BUT YOU BETTER NOT LET 'EM ON TV, BECAUSE THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN SAYS SO!
At a minimum, if these guests do reappear, you should replay the prior statements and challenge them to provide the evidence which prompted them to make the wild claims in the first place.The American people have been bombarded by these accusations, through the media, for two long years. They have been told that their legitimately elected president had colluded with Russia – a claim proven to be false. At this point, there must be introspection from the media who facilitated the reckless statements and a serious evaluation of how such guests are considered and handled in the future.
LOLOL, eat my ass.
But look, before you think they're being COMPLETELY un-American and dictatorial about all this, you should know they're also having fun with it! You know the March Madness of Basketballs? Sarah Huckabee Sanders is tweeting out the March Madness of Basketballs, but for pundits who were "completely wrong" about Trump living all the way up Vladimir Putin's ass, because you remember how the Mueller report cleared Trump of that (it didn't)?
Mueller Madness! Which of the angry and hysterical @realDonaldTrump haters got it most embarrassingly wrong?… https://t.co/ne49uph9XH— Kayleigh McEnany 45 Archived (@Kayleigh McEnany 45 Archived)1553563087.0
Sanders also addressed all this in another part of her interview from yesterday, the same one where she was on the verge of tears because people accused Trump (and still do, and will continue to) of being a foreign agent for Russia, just because there's all this evidence that he's literally compromised by Russia. For her next trick, Sanders would like to bellyache about other people "lying." And she has a thing to say about the will of the "63 million Americans" who voted for Trump, which seems to ignore the 66 million who voted for the better and less Russian agent-esque candidate.
Sarah Sanders: "They claim to have actual evidence. They said it was true. And they lied. They didn't just lie on T… https://t.co/CfXlAfX8SU— The Hill (@The Hill)1553567460.0
Well, all of this is just sad, and we bet the media will ban all those "bad" pundits from the television as soon as the clock strikes Go Fuck Yourself Thirty.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. Click below to keep the lights on, please. We appreciate you, most of the time.