The Mitt in the Gray Flannel Suit

Matt Cooper gave a couple thousand of the million words he writes a day to this month's Portfolio, the embarrassing Conde Nast "business" magazine, turning in a neat little profile of Mitt Romney. Here's what we learned about America's favorite shiny-haired Mormon:


* He has an MBA, like Bush.

* He was a good businessman, unlike Bush.

* His first name is Willard?!

* He and Bush were in the same Harvard Business School class!

* He's just definitely not like Bush, though.

* Ha ha we just checked Wikipedia, his name is "Willard Milton Romney."

* And he thinks he will be President!

* "...the last Massachusetts governor to end up as commander in chief was Calvin Coolidge, who publicly revered business more than any other president." And he left the country riding high and in fantastic shape in January of 1929... No word on whether Mitt would allow raccoons back into the White House.

* The rest of it is about something called "Bain Capital" and "private equity," and that just makes us feel all confused and angry and distrustful like Mike Gravel.

Anyway, looks like we'll all prosper under the wise business school leadership of Willard Milton Romney! Everyone will be efficient and all dogs will be tied to the tops of our big American cars!

Please, Not Another M.B.A. President [Portfolio]

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