The Most Important Debate of Our Time

really?The Demrats are back to debate each other, again, saying nothing, doing nothing, ugh. Why are these things two hours? And since this is from Vegas, how many trite segues involving Hold 'Em will there be? These are some of the questions everyone stupid enough to watch this debate is asking. That, and how many attacks will not be directed at Hillary. They should all attack someone random, like Dodd. Attack Dodd all night! That would be amazing.

The debate might be better than the pre-show with Lou Dobbs, who won't shut the fuck up about immigration. Because... it's Vegas, which is vaguely Mexican? Give Dobbs credit though -- this guy knows where his bread is buttered.

7:59 -- Dobbs has been eschewed for "The Beard," Wolf Blitzer, until the two chicks show up presumably.

8:00 -- Johnny Edwards is going power blue tie. He has no idea where to stand. This does not look good John Edwards.

8:01 -- Ah, the Flippity Floppity Flopper herself, Clinton! Wearing a gray blazer -- gray is a neutral color! Pick a side, like green already!

8:03 -- Bill Richardson looks verrrrry Mexican tonight. Lou Dobbs is grinding his teeth somewhere...

8:05 -- They're standing around like schlemiels, Howard Dean is kissing people. Wasn't Howard Dean president once or something?

8:06 -- Some commentator mentions holes in Clinton's armor, and can the others "get inside there and wedge it open a little bit more." Gang bang reference count: 1.

8:08 -- Hillary: "This pantsuit is asbestos tonight," which means something.

8:09 -- Hillary responds to a question about her lack of clarity by mentioning that this is a very important election.

8:09 -- Wolf: "Triangulation, whatever that means." Well done, Beard. What does that shit mean?

8:10 -- Barack says we need a different kind of politics. Snooze. But that face... Muslims across the world are falling in love!

8:11 -- Hillary says Republicans are not going to leave the White House voluntarily. How does she explain the appeal of Fred Thompson's candidacy, then?

8:12 -- Ooh, she says Barack's health plan is shiiiiiit.

8:13 -- Barack is really, really pissed! He is being heckled by the crowd, too!

8:14 -- Barack can't talk because he's being heckled! What is that guy saying from the crowd?

8:15 -- Edwards gets a turn to talk, and the crowd stops heckling. What was he saying about Barack, or Hillary? I smell a pejorative. A racial epithet, perchance.

8:17 -- Biden: "The American people don't give a darn about any of this stuff." Yet we're all here... guh.

8:19 -- The Wolf has cut off every speaker tonight. He really just PWNED Biden.

8:20 -- General comment: This debate is much more intense than it has any right to be. Also, what did the crowd heckler say to the black man Obama?

8:22 -- Wolf wants to get Dodd involved. The smackdown begins! Ugly tie/shirt combo. Just saying!

8:24 -- Who cares if they aren't getting enough time to talk?! Will these guys end it with the self-referential logistical whiny jokes?

8:24 -- Bill Richardson wants peace. Too bad Bill Richardson has never held a decent job.

8:25 -- Wolf asks if they'll all support the Democratic nominee regardless. Dennis Kucinich is like "eff these dudes" but kind of seriously, then Joe Biden is like "eff these dudes" as a joke. I say "eff these dudes" in every imaginable sense.

8:27 -- Barack is being such a taco taco Mexican lover. Is he crying? I think he's like, crying.

8:31 -- Wolf is really pressing them on this stupid illegal immigrant driver's license bullshit. Didn't Spitzer drop this already? Actually, good for the Beard. He's asking them all to give a one-word answer, "yes" or "no," and only Hillary has answered in one word.

8:32 -- Kucinich is brutal tonight. Elizabeth is licking that tongue stud. He gon hit that.

8:32 -- Oh of course you support Mexican drivers' licenses, Richardson. Better to ask him how he supports all that weight.

8:37 -- Still no sign of Ben Johnson in the crowd selling beef jerky and toiletries.

8:40 -- Who gives a shit about education? Someone heckle Barack again. Seriously, the first 25 minutes of this debate were fascinating. Now it's just like, "what makes a good teacher, Mommy?"

8:41 -- Hey DMac, I'm looking for something to watch on TV. How is SVU tonight?

8:43 -- Now they're talking about this Bhutto person. Must admit, I haven't been following this story much. We get lots of tips saying "stop BhUTTo" though, which is a little bit funny.

8:46 -- Hey Billy Richardson, says Wolf, are human rights more important than American security? Richardson says yes. The crowd goes "meh," but Lord knows what our frienemies at Redstate are saying. Probably another Reagan YouTube response, as is their wont.

8:51 -- Wolf is asking everyone that stupid binary question. I don't know about this guy -- he's starting to be Russertish, dare I say O'Reillian.

8:52 -- HILLARY IS YELLING WHY IS SHE DOING THIS? Better than the cackle, though.

8:54 -- The Office is on at 9... decisions...

8:55 -- These "desert cage match" style banners and logos on CNN are cool, in the West Texas stripper sense.

9:01 -- I think this thread is too long for the multimillion dollar Gawker servers to handle. Moving over here for part two...


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