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Here's a funny one for you! Politico reports that in a "major 2018 hack," thousands of emails from the accounts of four of the top dickbags at the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) were stolen by ... somebody foreign, they think! Their emails "were surveilled for several months"! The FBI has gotten involved! House Republicans ... didn't know about it until Politico told them! LOL!

Now, obviously, nobody gave these emails to WikiLeaks to actively fuck with the 2018 midterms, so don't you start thinkin' the Republicans can say that's why they lost the House so spectacularly.

Let's list a few reasons why this is funny, beyond what is just so very obvious, which is that House Republicans haven't given a solitary fuck about election meddling and hacking by malevolent foreign powers, as long as it's done in a way that helps them. (Looking at you and your alleged cow lovers, DEVIN NUNES.)

Here's one! Back in 2017, the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) had a beer summit with the NRCC and said, "Hey, we all can agree that we are Americans, right? OK maybe that's too much for you, but let's just say hacking is bad. Why don't we work together to protect everybody from hacking, so that elections can be totally fair, except for all the anti-democratic authoritarian shit you guys do with gerrymandering and voter suppression?" The NRCC called it a "political stunt" and told the DCCC to fuck off.


Here's another! Earlier this year, after Russians tried and failed to hack outgoing Democratic Senator Claire McCaskill, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said "PSHAW" to doing something on a national level to shore up our election security, saying it was best left to the states to decide how much Russian hacking they really want. He also just recently told the Wall Street Journal that a legislative package the Democrats are putting together that specifically includes election security stuff is DOA in the Senate. Haha!

This one will make you go HMMMM: Back in 2016, the Russians (you know, those Russian military intelligence hackers Robert Mueller indicted) also hacked emails from the Republican National Committee, along with their hacking of the Democratic National Committee. Curiously, those Republican emails, which then-FBI Director James Comey said were "old stuff" and not the sexxxxy new stuff like Russia stole from the Democrats, have never been released to the public. But have they served another purpose? You know how Russia likes to gather kompromat on people, and if it was going to steal an election for Donald Trump, it would surely be helpful to have some dirty secrets on Republican elected officials, to keep them complacent in the face of a massive multi-pronged attack on our democracy.

Somebody should ask folks like Lindsey Graham -- you know, people who used to say Donald Trump was a fucking "kook" who will destroy America but yet somehow strangely now live rent-free underneath the president's ball sack -- if they've ever heard anything about Russia stealing Republican emails and using them in that way. (Because you remember Russia directly hacked Lindsey Graham's campaign in 2016 too, right?)

Here's a video of Donald Trump on TV earlier this year, his makeup way more fucked up than usual, talking about how it was the DNC's own damn fault it got hacked, and how if the DNC was good at stuff like the RNC is, it wouldn't have been hacked.

(NARRATOR: The RNC got hacked.)

Anyway, wonder who hacked the NRCC this time! Lots of people are saying it could be Russia, and maybe it was Russia, but we don't think anybody knows it was Russia that broke into the NRCC, everybody's saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but it could also be China, it could also be lots of other people, it could also be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, yes that's right, 400 pounds, probably in New Jersey, let's just go with that and refuse to investigate it any further.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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