The Return Of Zombie TrumpCare Again! Wonkagenda For Thurs., June 22, 2017
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Mitch McConnell is going to pull the tarp off double super secret zombie TrumpCare later this morning, and it's expected to amputate funding for Medicaid and Planned Parenthood, as well as cut taxes for the wealthy.
Even though TrumpCare isn't out yet, details have begun to leak out this morning. Grab some coffee and get ready to call your legislators, because this bill is just bad.
The DuPont Circle memorial for a DC-area teen, Nabra Hassanen, was set on fire. Hassanen was assaulted, abducted, and murdered, in an apparent (not apparent to us) roadrage incident. This is just sad.
Former DHS Chief Jeh Johnson told the House Intelligence Committee that the Obama administration knew about Russian hacking in the 2016 election, but they were worried about the optics of coming forward seeing as how Trump was running around the country flapping his hairpiece about "rigged" elections.
Democrats on the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee have sent a long, angry letter to Trump's White House demanding documents about security clearances for Prince Jared and Michael Flynn over reports that they might be a little crooked.
Trump went to Iowa to talk to real Americans about real America and all the winning he's won, and how he doesn't like poor people running things because they're poor and obviously not rich, because then they wouldn't be poor. Right? It's beautiful.
People are pissed at Nancy Pelosi this morning about everything under the sun and there's now calls by some Democrats to "You're Fired" her as Minority Leader, but some diehards haven't given up on her just yet.
The Congressional Black Caucus has declined to meet with Trump after THE HONORABLE OMAROSA MANIGAULT asked for a follow up meeting, because they didn't want to "co-star on the reality show."
Trump's people are assaulting federal business regulators by trying to kill the Volcker rule, which makes big banks test against the rigors of financial markets, and they're trying to boot Fed Chairman Janet Yellen so that interest rates don't rise. Wolves, meet the henhouse.
The FBI used to pay Trump's "accidental" Nazi Sebastian Gorka as a consultant, until he gave a lecture where he compared Bin Laden to an Islamic Martin Luther.
The Iowa GOP chairman Jeff Kaufmann has thrown Nebraska Republican Senator Ben Sasse under the bus for being a Never-Trumper, and he's not welcome in Iowa because he has those academic book learnin' smarts and makes Iowans feel like teh dumz.
Arizona state Rep. Bob Thorpe thinks all those damn college youths are "diluting" election districts because they vote, so he wants to ban students from using college addresses to vote, even if they spend their days smoking weed and cramming for term papers there year-round.
The US is investigating a secret network of torture prisons in Yemen operated by the UAE and Yemeni forces that were hidden in military bases, villas, and a nightclub, however the UAE says it's totally not real fake news as their prisoners are better at disappearing than David Copperfield's career.
One of Trump's people is still a paid Saudi lobbyist. So much for draining the swamp.
Your Not American boyfriend Justin Trudeau is going to go around Trump and just drag the United States along with the rest of the world. It's called "The Doughnut Strategy," because of the big hole full of hot air in the middle.
The Wall Street Journal "You're Fired" its chief foreign affairs correspondent Jay Solomon for ALLEGEDLY getting cozy with a shady CIA arms dealer who just happened to be one of his sources. With those kinds of dodgy ethics, he's a shoo-in as a Fox News talking head.
Hannity dragged out what's left of Kellyanne Conway's fractured dignity to say words about America, and not Trump and Russia like some icky Democrats, because this is America. And in America we believe in rock and roll, eagles, and pick-up trucks!
Princess Ivanka Trump's got a not-so-secret bourgeois spa business and you'll never be able to afford it because you're gross and poor, and not fabulously wealthy and beautiful like Ivanka.
The CEO of the the largest coal company, Murray Energy Corporation, is suing Jon Oliver for "meticulously planned" character assassination over a segment Oliver ran on Sunday despite a cease and desist order, and they're complaining that the CEO won't live to see the end of the case because of his need for a lung transplant, which is incredibly sad and nothing to joke about, but neither is the inherent irony when you think about all the coal miners who've died of black lung disease over the last century.
After McDonald's announced that it would begin phasing out teenage till jockeys with robots, its stock rallied to massive gains, now burger flipping youths will have to look elsewhere for shitty summer jobs.
Trevor Noah got super serious about Philando Castile again last night because it doesn't make sense why a man children called, "Mr. Rogers with dreads," was shot and killed by police for simply following instructions.
And here's your late night wrap-up! Sam Bee talked about all the summer sads, and 'splainered about a New York state douchebag blocking legislation for child sex abuse victims; The Daily Show and DJ Khaled had some tips on thinking positive; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at super double secret zombie TrumpCare; and Stephen Colbert talked about how the GOP is putting "a sock on the doorknob so no one barges in while they're screwing poor people"; and James Corden talked about the Queen snubbing Trump.
And here's your morning Nice Time! Baby water doggos!
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Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.