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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


The Senate began debating ACA repeal last night, even though they don't know what exactly they're doing since Mitch McConnell is hiding the details in his turtle shell.

The Senate will continue to debate killing healthcare for poor people today as Republicans dig up and dust off every single failed repeal plan from the past decade.

McConnell is pushing a "skinny repeal" which would stop the individual mandate, the employer mandates, and the medical device tax. Coincidentally, these are the things that hold the ACA together, and also piss off the medical industry.

The House approved Russian sanctions in its bill to punish Putin for election fuckery, but unlike the Senate bill, the House bill limits Trump's options to scrap the sanctions.

Russia is warning the US that it is not a "scared cow," and is threatening a "painful" response if Trump signs the sanctions. I wonder if this "painful" response involves pee hookers?

David Apol, the new head of the Office of Government Ethics, is a little too "loosey goosey" with his idea about ethics and rules for the ultra wealthy in government, and he's been pissing people off for about a decade.

Mike Pence's space patrol is drawing blowback as people wonder why the hell we need a militarized space program when Dana Rohrbacher's aliens don't even exist.

In an effort to force sanctuary cities to really get down on the level with Jeff Sessions, cities and towns that get Justice Department grants will now have to give immigration officials access to prisons and jails, and give them 48 hours before an illegal immigrant wanted by federal authorities is released.

House Republicans want to staple $1.6 billion for Trump's wall on a funding bill for the Pentagon and other agencies, that way they don't actually have to go on the record voting for or against the Tortilla Curtain.

Anthony Scaramucci is engaged in "Night of the Long Sporks" and is threatening to fire everyone who leaks to the press like a Russian pee hooker in a Moscow hotel.

A number of Virginia's House seats are being contested by a diverse group of women, and that's making obnoxious tea party whackjobs like David Brat nervous.

The Boy Scouts are in damage control after Trump grabbed them all by the neckerchief and shouted into their faces how they needed to crush his enemies, and see them driven before him.

Rick Perry took a fake phone call from the fake Ukrainian Prime Minister about a major "scientific development" on how to make fuel from pig shit and booze. [Audio]

The Union of Concerned Scientists has issued a report stating that the Trump administration is trying to "delegitimize science" and officials are "creating a hostile environment" for people who don't have their head buried in their ass.

Federal officials have begun cracking encrypted phones of Inauguration protesters even though there isn't much evidence to support federal rioting charges.

A third-grade teacher in Oklahoma is panhandling for school supplies as a result of state budget cuts. So the next time someone tells you public school teachers make too much money you can politely remind them to go and fuck themselves.

Looks like Erik Prince and his merry band of military contractors have given Trump a reason to put boots on the ground in Afghanistan in the form of fancy dirt and rocks. And you thought it was all about oil!

Half of all Trump voters think that Trump won the popular vote; apparently his bitch-fits are more convincing than facts.

Republicans are dragging the CEOs of Facebook, Google, Amazon, Charter, Verizon, AT&T and Comcast into Congress to testify about net neutrality next month, after hearing constituents bitch, piss, whine and moan about FCC Chairman (and telecom scumbag) Ajit Pai.

Republican Senators Ron Johnson and Roy Blunt wrote a mean letter to the head of Twitter accusing the site of censoring anti-net neutrality statements. Ironic.

After tepidly creeping into the Oval and mumbling something about his big hands and many wins, Trump's minions are suggesting that it's less than productive to criticize Jeff Sessions.

Even Dead Breitbart is attacking Trump for "hypocrisy" over his temper tantrums about Jeff Sessions.

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! The girl scouts introduced 23 new merit badges to encourage interest in STEM careers. I for one welcome the rulers of our new robot overlords.

Here's a special bonus nice time of rare puppers in shark costumes.

And here's your morning Nice Time! Babirusa Piggies!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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