This week has been fun, yes? Donald Trump made completely platonic non-romantic man love to Vladimir Putin on Monday and absolved him of all responsibility for hacking the 2016 election, and then he "walked it back" Tuesday by saying he guesses Russia did some hacking in 2016 (BUT IT COULDA BEEN OTHER PEOPLE TOO).

Earlier today, reporters were talking to Trump, and somebody asked him if Russia was still attacking us with hacking. His answer? "No." To which everyone replied "FUCK YOU, ANTI-AMERICAN TRAITOR!"


Now, to be fair, there was a lot of cross-talk, and it's possible his "no" was meant in response to another question. Maybe Kellyanne Conway had also just asked him, "You OK, Mister President? GOTTA GO STINKY?" Maybe that's what he said "No" to.

Or maybe, much like his "walk-back" yesterday, what he really meant to say was not "no" but "yes," and when he goes back and reviews the one-word transcript of that answer he will realize where it all went wrong and WALK IT BACK.

If he meant it, though, that is yet another "fuck you" to his own DNI, Dan Coats, who just said on Friday that the lights are literally currently "blinking red" on Russian interference not just with the mid-terms, but with our entire democracy. After Trump's abhorrent performance on Monday, Coats sent another statement, just saying that America really shouldn't listen to President Shit-Grundle on this issue, because DID DAN COATS FUCKING STUTTER BEFORE?

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is about to do her first press briefing since all this shit went down, and this shit is going to be LIT. Shall we liveblog it? Yeah!

2:40: Oh hey! Sarah Huckabee Sanders was late as usual, but that is OK because we are having a monsoon and our power kept going out! But we are here now! And so is she! And she is going to lie!

She was probably late because she has a vision board in her office, but for lying, and she was studying it. Let's see how this goes!

2:42: Regarding Trump saying "no" about Russian election interference, SHS he was saying "no" to answering more questions, not about Russian election inteference.

She also says the Trump administration is working hard to stop Russian hacking, UNLIKE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATIONS.

This is a total fucking lie. Here is SHS's current lie face:

2:45: SHS just read off a prepared list of things the Trump administration is "doing" to prevent Russian election hacking. We believe her not one bit. ZERO BITS.

2:46: REPORTER: Oh hey, what about that Russian spy that's in jail right now, for infiltrating the GOP by infiltrating the NRA?

SHS: You all are RACIST for saying that RUSSIAN SPY was in the OVAL OFFICE just because a lady in that picture with the RUSSIAN SPIES the day Trump jizzed CLASSIFIED INFORMATION all over the RUSSIAN SPIES in the OVAL OFFICE was a REDHEAD.

WHY ARE YOU RACIST AGAINST RUSSIAN SPY REDHEADS?

2:50: SHS yet again says the Trump administration is going to protect elections LIKE OBAMA DIDN'T.

2:52: OH HEY, Sanders, what the fuck did Trump and Putin talk about during their little date?

ALL OF THE ISSUES, KATIE!

2:55: Why is Trump scared to say mean words to Vladimir Putin?

SHS: HE IS ALWAYS SO MEAN TO RUSSIA, WE CALL THEM OUT, WE ARE TOUGH!

Also, he is trying a "new approach" with Russia, which is lying on his back and wagging his tail and begging for belly scratches every time Vladimir Putin walks in the room.

DO NOT QUESTION HIS STABLE GENIUS!

2:57: A reporter is asking why Trump is so fucking stupid that he thinks Vladimir Putin offering to "help" Robert Mueller's investigation is an "incredible offer." SHS completely punts on it, because we guess even she doesn't have the energy to make up a lie on that one today.

However, UPDATE, because sometimes the words go so fast that we miss things. Here is the transcript, flagged by MSNBC's Katy Tur, where Sanders doesn't rule out Trump trying to let Vladimir Fucking Putin "question" political enemies who happen to be Americans:

2:58: REPORTER: When Trump tries to deflect attention from Russia by saying "others" also hack, is he saying that based on intelligence, or is that just a thing that comes out of his ass-mouth involuntarily?

SHUCKABEE: Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunt!

2:59: SHS: "The president has credibility!"

Hahahahahahaha OK, asshole.

Moving on!

REPORTER: Say a time Trump was anything but adoring toward Putin! SAY ONE!

SHS: Words that are lies.

3:01: OOH, APRIL RYAN FIGHT!

APRIL RYAN: *asks question about voter suppression*

SHS: *calls on somebody else*

APRIL RYAN: THE FUCK, ARE YOU KIDDING?

SHS: *calls on somebody else*

APRIL RYAN: I'm only yelling it at you because you refuse to call on me!

SHS: *calls on somebody else*

Christ, what an asshole.

3:02: They are really going with this lie about how Trump "reviewed the transcript" and found only ONE WORD during his Putin presser that was bad. It's so stupid, because first of all, Trump does not read transcripts. Second of all, every fucking word he says is bad.

3:04: REPORTER: Did anybody record Trump's All By Myself meeting with Putin?

SHS: Just Russian intelligence and a bunch of other intelligence services. No big.

3:06: And now, it is over!

Here is a picture of SHS telling her last televised lie of the day:

This was the first briefing from Sanders in 16 days. Guess we'll see her again for some more lies sometime in August! Goodbye!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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