The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Still Hates The GOP

This week's installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker is a little light on content, mostly because the Sarah Palin Channel is a little light on content -- 80 percent of last week's posts were just recycled clips from Sarah Palin's Alaska. But Sarah did find the time for her version of an Ask Me Anything, and she managed to whip up this lovely word salad, along with a nice That's Not What That Phrase Means vinaigrette.

We have a subscriber asking, 'Sarah, has Todd ever let you take control of the floatplane? If so, how long were you allowed to pilot it?' Do I get to take control of his [Cessna] 185, or his Piper Super Cub? Is a bear Catholic, does the Pope live in the woods? No, not often.

In case you were wondering, no, the Sarah Palin Channel isn't a live feed, and yes, they could have gone back and redone that take.

Palin's next viewer-submitted question gets right down to election-year politics. A viewer wants to know if there's a "plan B for the situation that we cannot elect enough conservatives through the process because the RINOs are cheating in the primaries," which gives Sarah an opening to discuss the ratfucking down in Mississippi.

These people who want the R by their name, they think that that's how they're gonna get elected, we need to have great discernment, find out who they are, and find alternatives to these RINOs. [...] We're all incredibly disappointed by the, gosh, those tactics that the GOP machine, the Establishment, the Man, that they used in Mississippi against Chris McDaniel, an excellent, excellent patriot. [...]

Strong point, Sarah, we're all disappointed by the way that the GOP ran a false flag operation with that one McDaniel supporter, y'know, the one who broke into a nursing home trying to take pictures of Thad Cochran's wife. Also, too, it turns out that McDaniel's race is a great opportunity for Sarah to guttersnipe at her political enemies, those unnamed idjits who failed her, and thus failed this once-great nation. See if you can figure out which McCain-Palin senior campaign adviser she might be thinking of at the end of this section, time's up, it is probably-definitely Steve Schmidt!

Sometimes you have good candidates but they have GOP establishment, smooth-talkin', knucklehead consultants as their advisors. We need to discourage good candidates from thinking that these, DC especially, advisors who are out of touch with, just, normal, everyday Americans, that these advisors know best. Especially advisors with really, really poor records.

They're dumb, consultants, sometimes they're dumb, and they almost always give horrible advice, I find. They try to shape and mold the candidate. Instead of letting a good candidate just be that good candidate, that got 'em to where they are, well now, these advisors come in, y'know they come ridin' in, what they want to have perceived as the white horse, and they're gonna save this campaign, and in the meantime they screw up a lot of things.

So these consultants, I'm not impressed. and yet they keep gettin hired! They're making hand over fist, they're making big bucks off innocent contributors to candidates, to campaigns, not knowin' that a lot of their money is going to these professional politicians, because they're professional political consultants...well, that's part of the problem. [...] Again, we live and learn, and we come back stronger.

Did you even just read all that? This is the clearest glimpse into Palin's internal monologue we've ever seen. Up in Wasilla, it is always the fall of 2008. Up in Wasilla, Sarah Palin is always on her way to rescue John McCain's campaign, if only those nincompoop advisers would get out of the way. Up in Wasilla, the possibilities are always endless.

Also, the Palins got a new dog. Its name is Jill Hadassah for some reason, and we would have video of all of this if the Palin folks hadn't slapped our YouTube account with a couple copyright claims.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.

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