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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


White House doctor Rear Adm. Ronny Jackson won't be returning to his post, according to White House officials. Trump will just have to send Eric to K Street for uppers/downers.

The White House vetting process is nothing more than Trump demanding loyalty, and Googling to see if you were a #NeverTrump person.

Trump appears to have found a new word to cram into his dog whistle as he's spent the last few weeks getting his people roiled up over "Hispanics." They really don't like "Hispanics."

Trump's trade war begins tomorrow, and that has US allies worried about a spike in steel and aluminium prices; now they're threatening to "defend their interests."

The NRA has banned guns at its annual gathering in Dallas this Friday (AGAIN) out of concern for the safety of Mike Pence and Donald Trump, who are both expected to speak.

Rather than simply gut the CFPB, Mick Mulvaney is sadistically cutting the agency apart, piece by piece.

Mulvany knows a lot about skimming off the top as he apparently used campaign funds to pay off interest on his student loans.

Due to her tendency to sound like a complete fucking idiot, Betsy DeVos's staff are keeping her away from the public and giving her nice, shiny objects to play with.

One of Trump's random asshole friends (/Mar-a-Lago customers) is holding up a massive overhaul of the VA records system because he doesn't like typing.

The Justice Department manual has deleted passages on freedom of the press, racial gerrymandering, and charging guidelines from its new edition, but it did add some stuff on protecting Jesus!

The neckbeard in charge of Trump's 2020 campaign is taking potshots at John Kasich, suggesting a fear in Trumpworld that Kasich is positioning himself to primary Trump. (#HesRunning)

Some members of Congress are worried about religious persecution in the wake of Father Conroy being quit-fired by Paul Ryan. Nobody expects the Randian Inquisition!

Elizabeth Warren endorsed former head of the CFPB Richard Cordray for governor of Ohio, but now everyone is worried an endorsement of Dennis Kucinich by Bernie Sanders will trigger a fight among progressives.

Former Bush lawyer and TV talking head Richard Painter is suddenly a Democrat running for Al Franken's Senate seat in Minnesota.

A 10-candidate Republican primary for an Ohio special election has Tea Party and Trump crazies at each other's throats. "Let them fight..."

A new shadowy GOP mega donor, Richard Uihlein, has been dumping millions into congressional races. He's been bankrolling Republican candidates and organizations throughout the South and Midwest, like Roy Moore, Josh Hawley, Kevin Nicholson, and The Illinois Policy Institute.

Pennsylvania Republican Rep. Pat Meehan has resigned ahead of an Ethics Committee investigation that threatened to expose more than just his taxpayer-funded $39,000 sexual harassment settlement.

A large group of asylum-seeking immigrants from Central America are hanging out at the Mexican border, desperately hoping someone in the US will have a heart.

British Home Secretary Amber Rudd has resigned after a letter to Prime Minister Theresa May promising to meet the "ambitious but deliverable" goal of deporting at least 10 percent of immigrants went public, furthering speculation that a collapse of May's government may be imminent. Sajid Javid, a Europskeptic, has been named as Rudd's successor.

South Korea is saying that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has agreed to close the nuclear test site (that's rumored to have collapsed already) in the interest of peace. 

Iranian President Hassan Rouhani and French President Emmanuel Macron are trying to save the Iran nuclear deal, but Rouhani now claims the US has violated the agreement with all of Trump's fearmongering.

Eight journalists were among 29 people killed by suicide bombers in Afghanistan early this morning. One of the attackers was dressed as a cameraman.

Your new Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is in Israel, blowing Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu.

TV talking heads on many sides spent Sunday shaking in their safe spaces after Michelle Wolf went shithouse on the right wing and its echo chamber at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Sarah Sanders should be sad for lying, that's called shame.

Matt Lauer's lawyer is putting NBC's brass on blast, blaming network executives (*cough*Andy Lack*cough*) for allowing grab-ass games to continue for so long.

A small group of British politicians grilled Facebook CTO Mike Schroepfer for hours last week, criticizing the social media giant for fake news and fuckery, highlighting how Facebook and its advertisers collect, share, and use data.

Twitter sold data to Alexsander Kogan too! The Cambridge Analytica-linked researcher was given access to Twitter's backdoor for a single day, allowing him to see tweets as far back as 2006.

And here's your morning Nice Time! BABY GOATS!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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